Friday, January 25, 2013

Going to see Mimi....

Tomorrow I'm going to see Mimi...and Tim, two of the people I love most in the world. I'll get on the train in New Haven at 9:27 or so and I'll be at Grand Central by 11 something and I'll find my way to the 4 or 5 train and ride to Brooklyn and be at their apartment on South Elliot by noon or so. I bring the stuff Mimi couldn't take home with her because she flew to Florida the day after Christmas and I'll take their Valentine's gifts (a bit early) that Bern takes so seriously and looks so hard for. Some of them hilarious and some touching. And I'll take them to lunch somewhere in Fort Green and we'll talk and laugh and be happy. What could be better than that? Then I'll ride the train back to New Haven at 4:34 or so and be home to my life.

(My whole life is like "going to see Mimi". I live in a house I love and we almost own outright--a couple of more years--with a dog and cat and bird {a gift from Mimi} and a woman who, in our latest marriage [we've had a few!] I love more than you can imagine, more, even, than I can imagine. And we have enough money and don't lock our doors and live in a wonderful town and read lots of books and cook good food and sleep soundly and don't worry or fret about much of anything. And I have two miraculous children--Josh and Mimi--and three astonishing grand-daughters--Morgan and Emma and Tegan--and two wonderful partners to those two children--Cathy and Tim. And, to my knowledge, I did absolutely nothing to deserve the life I love so much. I'm not particularly brave or strong or noble or even good. Yet my life has turned out so incredible, so well, so perfect, in many ways.)

I'm trying, these days, to live a life of total and eternal gratefulness. I don't pinch myself because I'm afraid I might wake up and things would be a mess. I teach at UConn and love it. I work in the Middlesex Area Cluster Ministry and love it. I  have good health, in spite of smoking and drinking white wine to a bit of excess. I have good friends who give me great joy. I dream dreams that either make me ponder or bring me an excess of joy. I do whatever I want whenever I want.

How could anyone deserve all that?

I don't, I know. I don't 'deserve' it. It is a gift from God or wherever that I can neither deserve or earn...I long ago quit trying to earn it!

So, what to do with all that? Ponder it, certainly. Be profoundly thankful, that goes without saying. And get up tomorrow and go see Mimi and Tim and ride the train and read a book and have a good lunch and deliver gifts and be with people I love so much it hollows me out so I can be filled up anew in their presence.

Just that. And, if it doesn't seem too presumptuous or arrogant, pray for all those who don't have my life, that they might. That they might....

I was just talking with Bern about our life. The way she put it is this: "it's all right". Most people worry, she said, that 'things won't be all right'. And for us, they are.

I've quit fretting about why my life is so good (there's no reason, really, so why fret about it?) And I don't, any longer, feel guilty about being joyful and fulfilled. Something about 'grace' in there. But I realize I am profoundly blessed and know that blessedness will give me the strength to deal with things when they aren't alright, which will happen, I surely know.

But for now, all I'm thinking of is going to see Mimi and the wondrous joy of all that, and how eternally thankful I am.

Something to ponder: living a life of eternal thankfulness....

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About Me

some ponderings by an aging white man who is an Episcopal priest in Connecticut. Now retired but still working and still wondering what it all means...all of it.