It's been 9 weeks

Nine weeks. Sixty-three days.

The bag Bela's ashes came to us in is a foot  and a half from my right foot.

The container they were in is in the bag. The top of the container says, "Until we meet again at the rainbow bridge."

I have no idea what that means and don't want to know. But I keep it near me. His paw print from the crematorium is on my desk, near me.

Just like the hat Bern made me for Christmas some 5 or 6 years ago that looks like a Puli dog, down to the black mark on my hat's tongue...a Puli trait--near me.

I've resisted bringing the little 2 inch sized Puli brass depiction downstairs to be near me.

My cup with a Puli on it is on the desk where I write. But it has been for several years. Only now I look at it with longing that I didn't have 9 weeks ago.

And on a little file folder holder to my right there are still Bela ashes from where I divided them between Bern and I to scatter at the Canal where we walked him thousands of times.

Oh, Jesus, I still mourn him and miss him so....

The 63 days without him hurt so much though we had 5015 days with him (I did the math for him).

Deep breath.

I miss him so.