I was looking at some old, old writing, typed on a typewriter of all things, a story about Richard Lucas and his cousin, Lizzy. Pretty bad stuff, all in all, but it meant something to me then, back when I wrote it.
The story is called "All Our World" and begins with a quote from Issa, who, I'll look up on the internet because I have no idea who he/she is but I must have known when I wrote this long ago story.
Anyhow, here's the quote: "Dew evaporates/and all our world/is dew...so dear, so fresh, so fleeting."
Whoever Issa was, he/she nailed that one in a big way.
Life seems endless from time to time, in the moment, but, like our world, life is dew...so dear, so fresh, so fleeting.
Whatever happened to typewriters? The story is typed on several different kinds of paper--some typing paper, other lined paper torn from a notebook, and, finally, some on a thin, yellow paper I remember using once but I couldn't tell you when.
It seems like I've been alive a long time sometimes. But, at other times, it seems but a heartbeat.
Dew. It's all like dew...so dear, so fresh, so fleeting.
I love the dew, though, as a retired guy, I'm seldom up early enough to feel it on my ankles as I walk through the grass. But there's something almost holy about dew--how it welcomes the day so sweetly.
I'm going now to look up Issa and see what else he/she had to say that worth pondering....
Monday, June 16, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Father's Day
I've never given much weight to Father's Day or Mother's Day--Hallmark Card Holidays as far as I can tell. But in my childhood, people wore carnations on both days to church, red if your Mother/Father was alive, white if they were dead.
Big deal in the mountains. But I've always objected to them insinuating themselves onto a Sunday.
Today is father's day. I was still at Emmanuel, Killingworth, drinking coffee and eating a bagel with cream cheese, when my son called me on my cell phone. We talked and I talked to the three granddaughters he and Cathy have given me. Morgan told me she'd drawn me a dragon for Father's Day. Emma said they'd been playing and having a good time. Tegan, the 4 year old, said, unexpectedly, "Gampaw, it's good to hear your voice". Who knows where she got that.
Josh and I talked about The Goldfinch, a novel by Donna Tartt that everyone in my nuclear family has now read and loved.
Then, as I was getting ready to cook dinner (Sea Scallops, brochilinni and wild rice--it was Father's Day but I was cooking (Bern tells me every year, 'you're not MY father') but I was cooking what I wanted, Mimi called. (If I was on death row and had to choose a final meal, it would include Sea Scallops.)
She's up in the Berkshires because it's the 'season' for Jacob's Pillow, where she is the Development Officer. She also lives in Brooklyn with Tim, her fiancee and boyfriend for 12 years or so. But during the season, she's in the Berkshires, shaking hands and raising money. Tim works for LinkedIn, whatever that is..., and can spend a lot of time up with Mimi during June-August, when's she tied down in Massachusetts.
Josh asked me 'what I was doing today' and I told him, "waiting for you and Mimi to call".
That's really all that matters to me on Father's Day, to hear from the two people in the Universe that qualify me to be called a 'father'.
They are both so great. A lawyer and a development officer, both making much more money than I ever did, both solid citizens and extremely sane and loveable.
So, my day was made, talking to each of them and talking to 'the girls' (which is what we call our granddaughters).
Just right. Nothing left out. Wondrous.
I love them so much. They are both so great. Bern and I did something right, whether we knew it or not....
Happy father's day to everyone who 'is' a father or has one--which means everyone....
Big deal in the mountains. But I've always objected to them insinuating themselves onto a Sunday.
Today is father's day. I was still at Emmanuel, Killingworth, drinking coffee and eating a bagel with cream cheese, when my son called me on my cell phone. We talked and I talked to the three granddaughters he and Cathy have given me. Morgan told me she'd drawn me a dragon for Father's Day. Emma said they'd been playing and having a good time. Tegan, the 4 year old, said, unexpectedly, "Gampaw, it's good to hear your voice". Who knows where she got that.
Josh and I talked about The Goldfinch, a novel by Donna Tartt that everyone in my nuclear family has now read and loved.
Then, as I was getting ready to cook dinner (Sea Scallops, brochilinni and wild rice--it was Father's Day but I was cooking (Bern tells me every year, 'you're not MY father') but I was cooking what I wanted, Mimi called. (If I was on death row and had to choose a final meal, it would include Sea Scallops.)
She's up in the Berkshires because it's the 'season' for Jacob's Pillow, where she is the Development Officer. She also lives in Brooklyn with Tim, her fiancee and boyfriend for 12 years or so. But during the season, she's in the Berkshires, shaking hands and raising money. Tim works for LinkedIn, whatever that is..., and can spend a lot of time up with Mimi during June-August, when's she tied down in Massachusetts.
Josh asked me 'what I was doing today' and I told him, "waiting for you and Mimi to call".
That's really all that matters to me on Father's Day, to hear from the two people in the Universe that qualify me to be called a 'father'.
They are both so great. A lawyer and a development officer, both making much more money than I ever did, both solid citizens and extremely sane and loveable.
So, my day was made, talking to each of them and talking to 'the girls' (which is what we call our granddaughters).
Just right. Nothing left out. Wondrous.
I love them so much. They are both so great. Bern and I did something right, whether we knew it or not....
Happy father's day to everyone who 'is' a father or has one--which means everyone....
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Sometimes, a long way away
I've been having major problems with my computer for almost a week.
I lost Firefox, my highway to the Internet.
I had to call AOL three times to get back my email. Which allowed me to get to this blog.
I couldn't read any of my documents--stuff I've written and stored, a thousand documents at least, tens of thousands of pages.
What is amazing is how anxious and panicked I've been about all that.
And here's the truth: sometimes, a long way away from here, either in the past or future, none of that matters much at all.
*If I didn't answer email, people would eventually start calling me on the phone, which is one step closer to personal.
*If I couldn't get on the Internet, I could go buy a New York Times and know what's going on.
*If I couldn't get on this blog, I would miss it and, hopefully, others would as well. But nobody would die. (That's Bern's ultimate reaction to anything upsetting: "did anyone die?" she'll ask. And since nobody did...what's the upset about? It'll be alright...eventually.)
*If I couldn't read any of my documents ever again, well, I could write new ones over time.
I rail about people who are wedded to their smart phones. And yet, here I was, fretting extensively about my computer problems. I can't carry it around with me in my hand, but I am more wedded to it than I imagined.
So, my friend John came today and everything is back in order. But I've decided I spend too much time with my computer. I'm going to cut back. Check e-mails ever day or so rather than four times a day. Buy the New York Times and get my news in print. Not worry if I don't blog for a day or so. Compose sermons from scratch instead of reading old ones in my documents for ideas.
Sometimes, a long way away from my computer seems to be a good thing. A good thing indeed.
I lost Firefox, my highway to the Internet.
I had to call AOL three times to get back my email. Which allowed me to get to this blog.
I couldn't read any of my documents--stuff I've written and stored, a thousand documents at least, tens of thousands of pages.
What is amazing is how anxious and panicked I've been about all that.
And here's the truth: sometimes, a long way away from here, either in the past or future, none of that matters much at all.
*If I didn't answer email, people would eventually start calling me on the phone, which is one step closer to personal.
*If I couldn't get on the Internet, I could go buy a New York Times and know what's going on.
*If I couldn't get on this blog, I would miss it and, hopefully, others would as well. But nobody would die. (That's Bern's ultimate reaction to anything upsetting: "did anyone die?" she'll ask. And since nobody did...what's the upset about? It'll be alright...eventually.)
*If I couldn't read any of my documents ever again, well, I could write new ones over time.
I rail about people who are wedded to their smart phones. And yet, here I was, fretting extensively about my computer problems. I can't carry it around with me in my hand, but I am more wedded to it than I imagined.
So, my friend John came today and everything is back in order. But I've decided I spend too much time with my computer. I'm going to cut back. Check e-mails ever day or so rather than four times a day. Buy the New York Times and get my news in print. Not worry if I don't blog for a day or so. Compose sermons from scratch instead of reading old ones in my documents for ideas.
Sometimes, a long way away from my computer seems to be a good thing. A good thing indeed.
Friday, June 13, 2014
An Eschatological Laundry List
Sheldon B. Kopp wrote a book that has influenced me more than anything besides the Mastery Foundation's work, my theological studies and, most of all, my family.
The book is called If You Meet The Buddha On the Road, Kill Him! It is subtitled, "The Pilgrimage of Psychotherapy Patients" and is called, below Dr. Kopp's name, "A fresh, realistic approach to altering one's destiny and accepting the responsibility that grows with freedom".
I gave away most of my books a few years ago. Many went to the library at St. James, Higganum. Others went to friends. What I kept was some volumes of The New Interpreter's Bible, all my books of poetry, including How Does a Poem Mean? by John Ciardi, which I've had since my Junior year of college, A Canticle for Leibowitz. a novel by Walter Miller, a handful of Biblical commentaries and The Elements of Style (third edition) by Strunk and White, which I've had since 1980. A few other random things, but not much else. I use the Cheshire Library these days, almost never buying books (except for the 'Hunger Games' trilogy and how many ever volumes there are in the 'Game of Thrones' series.)
And I kept "If you meet.....", well worn and brown on all the edges.
I don't read the whole thing anymore, but every few weeks I read what comes at the very end, which Kopp calls: 'An Eschatological Laundry List: A partial register of the 927 (or is it 928?) Eternal Truths'.
I'd like to share that list with you now.
1. This is it!
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can't get there from here, and besides there's no place else to go.
4. We are already dying, and we will be dead a long time.
5. Nothing lasts.
6. There is no way of getting all you want.
7. You can't have anything unless you let go of it.
8. Your only get to keep what you give away.
9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no
compensation for misfortune.
11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.
12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.
13. You don't really control anything.
14. You can't make anyone love you.
15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.
16. Everyone is, in his/her own way, vulnerable.
17. There are no great persons.
18. If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends (yes, you too, and most certainly I myself).
20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.
21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.
22. Progress is an illusion.
23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
24. Yet it is necessary to keep on struggling toward solutions.
25. Childhood is a nightmare.
26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no one else
to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
28. The most important things, each person must do for themselves.
29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that's all there is.
31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it.
32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power, and partial knowledge.
33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
35. No excuses will be accepted.
36. You can run, but you can't hide.
37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
39. The only victory lies in surrender to oneself.
40. All of the significant battles are wages within the self.
41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
42. What do you know...for sure...anyway?
43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again....
If that's not enough to ponder under your own Castor Oil Tree for like forever, what is?
Wisdom from 1972 to ponder.
The book is called If You Meet The Buddha On the Road, Kill Him! It is subtitled, "The Pilgrimage of Psychotherapy Patients" and is called, below Dr. Kopp's name, "A fresh, realistic approach to altering one's destiny and accepting the responsibility that grows with freedom".
I gave away most of my books a few years ago. Many went to the library at St. James, Higganum. Others went to friends. What I kept was some volumes of The New Interpreter's Bible, all my books of poetry, including How Does a Poem Mean? by John Ciardi, which I've had since my Junior year of college, A Canticle for Leibowitz. a novel by Walter Miller, a handful of Biblical commentaries and The Elements of Style (third edition) by Strunk and White, which I've had since 1980. A few other random things, but not much else. I use the Cheshire Library these days, almost never buying books (except for the 'Hunger Games' trilogy and how many ever volumes there are in the 'Game of Thrones' series.)
And I kept "If you meet.....", well worn and brown on all the edges.
I don't read the whole thing anymore, but every few weeks I read what comes at the very end, which Kopp calls: 'An Eschatological Laundry List: A partial register of the 927 (or is it 928?) Eternal Truths'.
I'd like to share that list with you now.
1. This is it!
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can't get there from here, and besides there's no place else to go.
4. We are already dying, and we will be dead a long time.
5. Nothing lasts.
6. There is no way of getting all you want.
7. You can't have anything unless you let go of it.
8. Your only get to keep what you give away.
9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no
compensation for misfortune.
11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.
12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.
13. You don't really control anything.
14. You can't make anyone love you.
15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.
16. Everyone is, in his/her own way, vulnerable.
17. There are no great persons.
18. If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends (yes, you too, and most certainly I myself).
20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.
21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.
22. Progress is an illusion.
23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
24. Yet it is necessary to keep on struggling toward solutions.
25. Childhood is a nightmare.
26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no one else
to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
28. The most important things, each person must do for themselves.
29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that's all there is.
31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it.
32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power, and partial knowledge.
33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
35. No excuses will be accepted.
36. You can run, but you can't hide.
37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
39. The only victory lies in surrender to oneself.
40. All of the significant battles are wages within the self.
41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
42. What do you know...for sure...anyway?
43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again....
If that's not enough to ponder under your own Castor Oil Tree for like forever, what is?
Wisdom from 1972 to ponder.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Pentecost Sermon I fogot to take with me
(Pentecost is a big deal, but you probably know that already. Usually, though I do prepare sermons and often have a text, I prefer to preach without the text. But when I want to say things exactly the way they are, I use a text. I intended to use a text on Pentecost at Emmanuel Church in Killingworth. Unfortunately, as I was diving through Durham, I realized I had left the text on my desk in Cheshire! So, I didn't give this sermon on Pentecost. I used parts of it and it was, I think, between OK and quite good, but it wasn't this. So I'll share it with you here.)
PENTECOST 2014/Emmanuel, Killingworth
Fear always says 'no'.
If you're going to remember anything I say this Pentecost morning, remember this: FEAR ALWAYS SAYS 'NO'.
And remember this as well: GOD ALWAYS SAYS 'YES' TO US....
***
Jesus' friends were gathered in the same room they'd been using to hide. How many there were isn't clear. The book of Acts says 120--though that number may be high. They huddled together, still frightened that the Temple authorities might be after them, still grieving in some way--though they had seen the Risen Lord time and again, felt his breath upon they faces--and most, most of all, they were terribly, wrenching lonely.
Jesus had promised them they would be clothed in power. Jesus had promised them he would send and Advocate to be with them. Jesus had promised them they would be baptized in fire. Jesus had promised them he was already preparing a place for them.
But the promises seemed like so much pie crust to the disciples. They were still waiting for the promises to be fulfilled. They were frightened. And they were so lonely--so profoundly lonely.
***
That image...that metaphor...that paradigm of being crowed into a lonely, frightening room rings true for us today.
Fear haunts us these days. And though we huddle together in our fear, we are so profoundly lonely. Fear speaks but one word and that word is "NO".
Our faith teaches us to be hospitable to strangers--but our Fear says 'no' and we distrust those who are different from us.
Our faith teaches us to be compassionate--but our Fear says 'no' and we ignore the 'least of these' in our midst.
Our faith teaches us that God is Love--but our Fear says 'no' and most states still do not recognize marriage for loving same-sex couples who wish to marry.
Our faith teaches us to share our gifts with those in need--but our Fear says 'no' and we live in the richest nation in the history of human kind where the gap between the rich and the poor widens every day.
Our faith teaches us that 'a little child shall lead us' and that we must become like children to enter the Kingdom of God--but our Fear says 'no' as millions of children go underfed, undereducated and neglected around the world and in our country.
Remember this if you remember nothing else: Fear always says 'NO'.
***
There is no easy or simple way to explain it, what happened in that closed and fearful room on the first Pentecost--it happened like this: one moment the room was full of fear and the next moment the room was full of fire and a mighty wind fanning the flames until the fear was burned away and all that was left was hope and joy and those formerly frightened people 'found their voices' and left their hiding place and spoke words that transformed the world.
We need the Fires of Pentecost to burn away our fears and the Winds of Pentecost to blow away our loneliness. We need the Spirit to give us our voices so we may proclaim the 'YES' of God to the world.
Fear always says "NO"--but God always says "YES"....
We need a Pentecost. We know that God says "yes" to us. That God calls us to wonder and joy and love and compassion and hospitality. And not just in the 'big things'--God's "Yes" to us is about little things too.
This is a poem by Kaylin Haught titled "God says Yes to Me". It is a Pentecost poem, whether she knew it or not.
I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
Who knows where she picked that up
What I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes
What Pentecost is about is God saying "Yes" to you and you and you and you and all of us. What Pentecost is about is the Spirit coming so we are never, ever, not ever lonely again.
What Pentecost is about is Fire burning away Fear.
What Pentecost is about--and listen carefully, this is important--Pentecost is about God saying to you and you and you and you and you and all of us:
Sweetcakes, what I'm telling you is Yes, Yes, Yes!
Amen and Amen.
PENTECOST 2014/Emmanuel, Killingworth
Fear always says 'no'.
If you're going to remember anything I say this Pentecost morning, remember this: FEAR ALWAYS SAYS 'NO'.
And remember this as well: GOD ALWAYS SAYS 'YES' TO US....
***
Jesus' friends were gathered in the same room they'd been using to hide. How many there were isn't clear. The book of Acts says 120--though that number may be high. They huddled together, still frightened that the Temple authorities might be after them, still grieving in some way--though they had seen the Risen Lord time and again, felt his breath upon they faces--and most, most of all, they were terribly, wrenching lonely.
Jesus had promised them they would be clothed in power. Jesus had promised them he would send and Advocate to be with them. Jesus had promised them they would be baptized in fire. Jesus had promised them he was already preparing a place for them.
But the promises seemed like so much pie crust to the disciples. They were still waiting for the promises to be fulfilled. They were frightened. And they were so lonely--so profoundly lonely.
***
That image...that metaphor...that paradigm of being crowed into a lonely, frightening room rings true for us today.
Fear haunts us these days. And though we huddle together in our fear, we are so profoundly lonely. Fear speaks but one word and that word is "NO".
Our faith teaches us to be hospitable to strangers--but our Fear says 'no' and we distrust those who are different from us.
Our faith teaches us to be compassionate--but our Fear says 'no' and we ignore the 'least of these' in our midst.
Our faith teaches us that God is Love--but our Fear says 'no' and most states still do not recognize marriage for loving same-sex couples who wish to marry.
Our faith teaches us to share our gifts with those in need--but our Fear says 'no' and we live in the richest nation in the history of human kind where the gap between the rich and the poor widens every day.
Our faith teaches us that 'a little child shall lead us' and that we must become like children to enter the Kingdom of God--but our Fear says 'no' as millions of children go underfed, undereducated and neglected around the world and in our country.
Remember this if you remember nothing else: Fear always says 'NO'.
***
There is no easy or simple way to explain it, what happened in that closed and fearful room on the first Pentecost--it happened like this: one moment the room was full of fear and the next moment the room was full of fire and a mighty wind fanning the flames until the fear was burned away and all that was left was hope and joy and those formerly frightened people 'found their voices' and left their hiding place and spoke words that transformed the world.
We need the Fires of Pentecost to burn away our fears and the Winds of Pentecost to blow away our loneliness. We need the Spirit to give us our voices so we may proclaim the 'YES' of God to the world.
Fear always says "NO"--but God always says "YES"....
We need a Pentecost. We know that God says "yes" to us. That God calls us to wonder and joy and love and compassion and hospitality. And not just in the 'big things'--God's "Yes" to us is about little things too.
This is a poem by Kaylin Haught titled "God says Yes to Me". It is a Pentecost poem, whether she knew it or not.
I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
Who knows where she picked that up
What I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes
What Pentecost is about is God saying "Yes" to you and you and you and you and all of us. What Pentecost is about is the Spirit coming so we are never, ever, not ever lonely again.
What Pentecost is about is Fire burning away Fear.
What Pentecost is about--and listen carefully, this is important--Pentecost is about God saying to you and you and you and you and you and all of us:
Sweetcakes, what I'm telling you is Yes, Yes, Yes!
Amen and Amen.
I'm Baaaack!!!
(I've been off line Since Sunday. Here's something I wrote on Monday)
WRITING WITH A PEN--6/9/14
It's amazing, writing with a pen. I've typed so much in the past 30 years or so that my handwriting has degenerated to a bizarre degree. I'm writing my hand because my Internet connection--Foxfire--has suddenly decided I did something to it Sunday night to make it impossible to open. I even know the time: 6/8/14 at 9:30 pm.
All I can remember doing is a Control/Alt/Delete when my screen froze trying to see how Tracy Morgan was after a Walmart Truck hit his limousine and killed his friend and writer. (Since I couldn't view the story, I don't even remember his friend's name, alas....)
To say I'm 'writing' with a pen is a misnomer. I never conquered the Zaner/Blosser cursive script I was suppose to learn in 3rd grade. I mostly print, though some of the printing--like the 'some' and 'of' and 'the' in that line are loosely connected.
And I most often make 'e' like a backward '3'.
John, my friend and computer guru, will know how to get Foxfire back but he hasn't returned my call or email (the 'e' in 'email' is a backward 3, by the way).
So, who knows when this will get worked out and you'll read this....
(by the way. John hasn't gotten here and it's Thursday but I figured out how to get my email and blog back all by myself!!! Yea, Me, the computer dope....It's easier with Foxfire but I can't believe I figured it out....A cause for a glass of wine, I'd say....)
WRITING WITH A PEN--6/9/14
It's amazing, writing with a pen. I've typed so much in the past 30 years or so that my handwriting has degenerated to a bizarre degree. I'm writing my hand because my Internet connection--Foxfire--has suddenly decided I did something to it Sunday night to make it impossible to open. I even know the time: 6/8/14 at 9:30 pm.
All I can remember doing is a Control/Alt/Delete when my screen froze trying to see how Tracy Morgan was after a Walmart Truck hit his limousine and killed his friend and writer. (Since I couldn't view the story, I don't even remember his friend's name, alas....)
To say I'm 'writing' with a pen is a misnomer. I never conquered the Zaner/Blosser cursive script I was suppose to learn in 3rd grade. I mostly print, though some of the printing--like the 'some' and 'of' and 'the' in that line are loosely connected.
And I most often make 'e' like a backward '3'.
John, my friend and computer guru, will know how to get Foxfire back but he hasn't returned my call or email (the 'e' in 'email' is a backward 3, by the way).
So, who knows when this will get worked out and you'll read this....
(by the way. John hasn't gotten here and it's Thursday but I figured out how to get my email and blog back all by myself!!! Yea, Me, the computer dope....It's easier with Foxfire but I can't believe I figured it out....A cause for a glass of wine, I'd say....)
Friday, June 6, 2014
Gag reflex
This is not a pleasant thing to read. There is more information in it than I would share face-to-face. It is gross. So, stop reading now, if you're wise.
OK, I've warned you.
I have a very sensitive gag reflex. Lots of things make me gag. Drives my dental hygienist and my dentist crazy, though they are kind about it.
It all comes down to swallowing pills. I can swallow anything that is in a capsule. I don't know why but I cam. But pills are an issue. A pill the size of a capsule I can easily swallow makes me gag.
What I do is chew pills up. Even something the size of an un-coated aspirin is impossible for me to swallow.
I know this and know it well and from long experience.
And yet today I was about to take a Claritin-D 24 hour pill and thought to myself, "if this is time release and I chew it up the whole time release thing might be screwed up.
I'm looking at one of them now. It's not as large as capsules I swallow with ease. But I should have know better--it's a pill twice the size of an aspirin--but I tried to swallow it anyway.
It got stuck in my esophagus somewhere, just below my breast bone is where it seemed to be. I could breathe fine but anything I tried to eat or drink wouldn't go down. (Here's the unpleasant part I tried to warn you about--a piece of white bread with butter came back up in the sink. Nothing I tried to drink would go down. I even had to spit out my saliva from noon until almost 4:30.
I was just about to go to Urgent Care down on South Main Street when I took a sip of water and it went into my stomach. Since then I've eaten a crab cake and a hamburger and a salad. It's fine.
Bern was reasonable and kind to me for those 4 and 1/2 hours. But she finally said, "You know you can't swallow something like that. You've known it for years. Why would you try today?"
A reasonable question.
I started to try to explain about my concern about time release but I knew it was futile.
I do know I can't swallow that and yet I tried to anyway.
It's sort of like the difference between rats and human beings. Rats will go down the maze to where the cheese used to be once or twice but then not again. Human beings keep thinking there will be 'cheese' down that path when they should know better.
Rats are smarter than me, that's for sure.
OK, I've warned you.
I have a very sensitive gag reflex. Lots of things make me gag. Drives my dental hygienist and my dentist crazy, though they are kind about it.
It all comes down to swallowing pills. I can swallow anything that is in a capsule. I don't know why but I cam. But pills are an issue. A pill the size of a capsule I can easily swallow makes me gag.
What I do is chew pills up. Even something the size of an un-coated aspirin is impossible for me to swallow.
I know this and know it well and from long experience.
And yet today I was about to take a Claritin-D 24 hour pill and thought to myself, "if this is time release and I chew it up the whole time release thing might be screwed up.
I'm looking at one of them now. It's not as large as capsules I swallow with ease. But I should have know better--it's a pill twice the size of an aspirin--but I tried to swallow it anyway.
It got stuck in my esophagus somewhere, just below my breast bone is where it seemed to be. I could breathe fine but anything I tried to eat or drink wouldn't go down. (Here's the unpleasant part I tried to warn you about--a piece of white bread with butter came back up in the sink. Nothing I tried to drink would go down. I even had to spit out my saliva from noon until almost 4:30.
I was just about to go to Urgent Care down on South Main Street when I took a sip of water and it went into my stomach. Since then I've eaten a crab cake and a hamburger and a salad. It's fine.
Bern was reasonable and kind to me for those 4 and 1/2 hours. But she finally said, "You know you can't swallow something like that. You've known it for years. Why would you try today?"
A reasonable question.
I started to try to explain about my concern about time release but I knew it was futile.
I do know I can't swallow that and yet I tried to anyway.
It's sort of like the difference between rats and human beings. Rats will go down the maze to where the cheese used to be once or twice but then not again. Human beings keep thinking there will be 'cheese' down that path when they should know better.
Rats are smarter than me, that's for sure.
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