i've lived too long

I just googled (a verb that should not exist in the King's English) AOL and got 97,500,000 options in 0.8 seconds.

Why do I need that. I just needed AOL to get to my blog. I needed one option before Wednesday of next week.

97,500,000 options aren't options at all. Luckily--and because Google is Google--the only one I needed was the first one to sign on to AOL. But Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Christ Almighty God, what about the 97,499,999 other options? If I looked at them all I would be 127 years old and die on my keyboard with several tens of millions still to click.

It's like the credit/debit card swipe machines. No two I've ever seen are alike. Why not? Why can't we agree on a template for swiping cards? Or, even more vital, why are there so many kinds of sneakers/tennis shoes/etc.?

And, since I went to my small package store today, why do we need so many kinds of wine? A nice white and nice red would suffice. Nobody I know needs a pink wine of any kind. All pink wines are part of the ananaphra of life. Ananaphra--which my spell check will not accept though it gives me more options than I need, including ionosphere, for reasons beyond all comprehension--means 'those things not necessary for salvation'. Pink wines fit that category. Yet, even in my little local package store there are hundreds and hundreds of wines. I'm reminded of Steven Arborgast (or abreast, airbags, aghast, and even angst, among other options from my spell check) who lived in the bush in Africa for several years, teaching. Toilet paper and paper towels and such were like legal tender there. Anything paper--I bought a coffee in the train station in Baltimore today and they gave me two paper napkins...a small fortune where Steve lived. And when he came back to the good ol' US of A, he was reacclimating quite well until he went into a Stop and Shop and walked down the paper goods aisle. It overwhelmed him to see 24 toilet paper rolls in one package--more toilet paper than he had seen in several years. He had to leave the store and go sit in a dimly lit, quiet room for several hours.

Too many choices.

OK, I am a socialist. I don't want 97 million options. I don't need a whole aisle of toilet paper or several hundred kinds of sneakers. I want someone (preferably President Obama--a native born American, a Christian, a moderate Democrat and our President) to narrow the options for me.

It's all too much.

I've lived too long.