so it begins...

Today, the Gen. Con. got in full swing. The display hall opened at noon, lots of committee meetings in morning and evening and 2-5:30 session of House of Deputies. The first part was a presentation on Public Narrative--a process we'll be using for a total of 6 hours over three days to share 'stories' in an effort to come to an understanding of the Mission of the Church. It was developed by Marshall Ganz of Harvard's Kennedy School. Ganz is a long time organizer in the area of civil rights. It sounds interesting. We'll be doing it with people from our own diocese so it can translate, hopefully, back to CT.

The second piece of time was the orientation for the House of Deputies. It was an amusing and light-hearted way of presenting the rules of order of the House. Quite creative. Also, the theme of the Convention--"ubuntu"--an African word that is difficult to translate. It means, roughly--"I in You and You in me". It is used to express the communal connection of self-idenity that is quite problematic to westerners. We see 'identity' as ' individuality' while 'ubuntu' defines our personal identities in relationship to others and to the environment. A longer way of defining it is something like "I am who I am because you are who you are..." The Convention theme seeks to guide us toward understanding that we do not exist as individuals in isolation, but as individuals in community and relationship and interdependence. The priest who described 'ubuntu' was Michael Battle, the Canon Theologian of the Diocese of LA. Michael, some of you might remember, was a seminarian at St, John's back in the 1990's. He went on to get a Ph.D. from Duke and is well known within the church. He was passionate and profound in his presentation. It is a remarkable and transforming concept if we can incorporate it into our oh-so-individualistic thinking and being.

I have to go to the Caucus of the Ct deputation now. if it doesn't run too late I'll post again tonight.

the view from my balcony

I'm on the 11th floor and from my balcony I can see a dozen huge hotels and more resturants than that. The same would be true in any direction.We are in the midst of what is called the Anaheim Resorts--less than a mile from Disneyland. Having walked around a bit, I realize this is a place for sleeping and eating and either going to Conventions or to the Magic Kingdom.

Anaheim calls itself "the Happiest Place on Earth". Perhaps that is a good harbinger for the General Convention.

People arrived in force today--we all nod and smile at other people with badges from the Convention. It is a happy place right now--hopefully it will stay so.

One thing you can do at Gen. Convention is go to two or three receptions every night. Every group in the church has a reception and if you eat enough--most or them start at six and have lots of food--you can skip dinner! Tonight was the Integrity Reception at one of the dozens of hotels in walking distance. A good spread and lots of wine. They actually should have had a larger venue since many more people than expected showed up. About 2 dozen bishops--including Jim and Laura from CT--and lots and lots of deputies. This is a key Convention for Integrity (GLBT Episcopalians and their friends). There are resolutions to overturn the resolution B033 from last convention (which urges against gay/lesbian bishops). The resolution was forced through by the bishops to appease the Anglican Communion and anti-gay folks in the Episcopal Church--neither worked! Also, the convention could pass a resolution in support of same sex marriage which is now only legal in 6 states (including CT). It was a lively and upbeat gathering--lots of optimism and hope. Maybe the Magic Kingdom is the right place for this convention.

I just went out on the balcony to watch the nightly fireworks from Disneyland. It really lit up the night! So maybe this 76th General Convention will be the Magic Kingdom or Fireworks. Whichever, I'll let you know.

You should pray for this work and ministry, you know. It does matter....

'cross the usa...

Getting to Hartford was great! My daughter Mimi and her boyfriend Tim drove me up. I love being with them so that part of the trip was the best.\

Then I got hung up for 25 minutes at Security. No lines or anything--just that my CPath--a machine I use to sleep with because of sleep apnea (sp?)--set off an alarm. They then swabbed my two carryon bags and the cotton from the swab set off more alarms!!! They kept putting the computer through the x-ray machine and took apart the cpath and patted me down and were considering a strip/cavity search when a 'higher up' arrived, having been summoned by the security people. She tested everything and it set off alarms. Finally, she asked me if I had used any hand cream or body lotion before packing the stuff. I probably had but didn't really remember. (I'm a fool for body lotion!) She decided that was what it was--which causes me to ponder what exactly I'm smearing on myself each morning!!

Then, at Newark, I had to go from Terminal A to Terminal C and went on a shuttle bus. When we got to Terminal C we were inside the security zone without being checked again. Someone clever enough could surely figure out how to pick up a bomb they'd hidden outside and get it into Terminal C! Go figure....

Flying across the US never ceases to amaze me. I love to look down and it was a crystal clear day until Kansas City so you could easily see what you were flying over. It's a pretty empty country considering how cramped and crowded the I95 corridor seems. Growing up in West Virginia, town lines started where the town started, so most places 'weren't anywhere'--just places 'between' somewhere and somewhere else. The usa seems like that from 38,000 feet.

I met three people in the Newark Airport who were on my plane to Orange County (John Wayne Airport). All of them work for the Church Pension Fund and were coming for some part of Convention. Then I saw a long ago friend named Frank Wade and his wife Mary. I knew Frank in the Diocese of West Virginia. He moved to DC and I moved to CT. So I wasn't even on the plane and the 'family reunion' had begun!

That's the most benign and fun part of General Convention--seeing people you haven't seen for years. And the Episcopal Church is small enough that even total strangers know someone you know....

My room is on the 11th floor of the Marriott in Anaheim, right next to the convention center where the Episcopal Church is meeting. I get dizzy out on my balcony but luckily the railing comes up to my arm pits and there are flower pots between the railing and the dropoff so I should be safe....

I woke up on East Coast time and went to the fitness center. I decided i should try to do something good for my body while I'm here.

I'm about to wander over the the Convention Center to see who and what i can see and get my Deputy's credentials. They give you a badge--just like a deputy....

praying in terror

The most frightening prayer I can imagine is called the prayer of humble access that is at the very beginnin of the Episcopal Eucharist. It begins like this:
"Almighty God, unto whom all hearts are open, all desires known and from whom no secrets are hid....."

Imagine that. Really! It's the theological equivilant of "...he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake...he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.

God is like Santa Claus! You can run but you can't hide....

Recently, I was part of a Methodist liturgy called a "love feast" when everyone gave everyone else a piece of nice french bread and said, "God loves you and there is nothing you can do about it...."

How scarey is that? You have no control over what God knows about you and can't make God stop loving you, no matter how hard you try.

I find it a little spooky that I can't hide from God. What's the Psalm say? Something like God knows where we are if we go to the inner most depths of the sea and the outer reaches of the earth. Lordy, lordy...there's no relief or escape.

It transforms me in the moment to know God is watching. I'm not sure I like it. I have, after all, a secret life...I expect we all do. And I "like" my secrets, thank you much. I feel a bit intruded upon by this 'all desires known and no secrets hid' stuff.

But there is this: in spite of the deep and often dark secrets of my life---God loves me and there is nothing I can do about it....

So I get my secrets and get loved too.

I guess that's not so bad if my secrets weren't so hideous.....

Hello....Hello...?

I looked back briefly over the blogs I've been writing for several months. Though lots of people tell me they read them--and I believe them--I don't think I've ever gotten a comment, which would be recorded at the bottom of the blog when I look back at it.

I'd like to think that's because what I write is so brilliant that no one would dare comment on it. And I'm sure that's not so.

So, I'm pondering, if people are reading this (which is incomprehensible to me!!) I hope they feel free to comment. That's all. Shalom, JIM

California Dreamin'

I don't like traveling.

Well, honestly, that isn't true. I love to travel, what I don't like is getting ready to travel and thinking about it before it happens. Once I'm on an airplane or a train or even a bus or driving my car, I get all excited and love the experience. But I am, on the other hand, a 'homebody' who misses his own bed and his wife and his dog and familiar routines. Those are the things I fret about getting ready for a trip.

I've been carrying around this 'to do' list for over a week, doing what I need to do and marking off the 'done' stuff. Most of it is done except climbing up in our attic and finding a large suitcase and shipping some stuff FedEx to Anaheim and buying some clothes--something I truly do hate!

So Sunday I'm off to California for the General Convention. I messed up since I really could have waited until Monday to go--but trying to change my reservation would cost more than the reservation! Plus the airline keeps changing my itinerary because they want full planes. Getting there isn't 'half the fun'--though I do love airports and wandering around and watching the people who are willing to get on vehicles that weigh as much as a four story building with hundreds of other people and trusting that they will fly! How crazy is that?

I've decided, after my last few adventures going to NYC airports, to only fly our of Hartford. On the way out I go from Hartford to Newark and then non stop to Orange County. On the way back, which when I made the reservations was about that simple, I fly from Orange County to Houston and then to Cleveland and then to Hartford--God help us! I leave at 6:30 a.m. and don't get to Hartford until 8:30 p.m. Even with the time loss, that seems like a long trip.

I'll love it once I get on that plane on Sunday--but right now I'm whiny and thinking this is not a good idea at all.

If I can figure out how to use the lap-top I'm taking to General Convention, you'll be hearing from me more than you want from there. And, while I'm gone, you are part of what I'll miss, no kidding. Really. Shalom, JIM

cultural icons (rip)

I was leading a workshop, not watching tv or being on line, so I totally missed the death of Ed McMahon but I heard about Farrah Fawcett and Jocko--how could you avoid hearing about Michael Jackson's death...it's bigger than 9/11 and the White Bronco and OJ?

Everyone has thoughts about those deaths and since I'm one of everyone, I thought I'd share mine.

Ed is the easiest. He is the world class side-kick. Everyone needs a side-kick, a tag-along, someone who laughs at your jokes and is the butt of many of them; someone who doesn't mind being 'second-best' and revels in supporting the 'big guy'. Everyone needs a Gabby Hays to their Roy Rodgers, a Robin to their Batman, a Desi to their Lucy, a Tonto to their Lone Ranger, a Silas to their Paul, a Peter to their Jesus, a Falstaff to their Prince Hal, a Garfunkel to their Simon, a Lewis to their Clark...well, you get the point. Everyone needs a best friend, a foil, a buddy a partner in the crime of Life. Who wouldn't want a big, jovial, ever-supportive friend to say, every time you entered a room, "HERE'S _______!" (Put your name in there and enjoy....) And Ed McMahon was the made in heaven side-kick for Johnny Carson. The only occupational hazard to being a side-kick is that you can never quite carve out your own niche afterwards. Did you ever take Ed seriously in his life after "The Tonight Show"? "That's the guy with Johnny Carson," we all said when we saw him in commercials. But he is forever a part of my life--those late nights I spent with him as he did all in his power to make Johnny funnier than he was. God bless the side-kicks of life. We all want one...though few of us aspire to BE one....

Farrah probably awakened the sexuality of more men than anyone in our time. That poster of her in the red one-piece bathing suit may be the most ubiquitous wall decoration of those over 40. It was de rigor for Dorm rooms of male students for a generation. And Farrah made hair "matter". Plus, there is a TV documentary of her last two years, after diagnosis, that she produced, that is a tribute, not to sexuality and beauty, but to courage and hope and love. If you can ever see it, you should, I think. Fame is a fickle and vicious master--but in that film, called "Farrah's Story" she emerges from the fog of fame to be a wondrous human being. Like Ed, she never quite shed the image of her original persona as one of the 'angels', though she proved herself a talented actress (The "Burning Bed" is still one of the TV productions I remember years later) but her legacy may be the documentary of her final months which reveals her to be a person to be greatly admired.

Michael Jackson--the third of the Trinity of notables to die this week--(my grandmother always said 'deaths come in threes') is perhaps the most enigmatic of all. I'm old enough to remember the Jackson Five. And I've lived long enough to see Michael move from child star to immortal performer to suspicious character to being simply wierd. His songs rattle around in my brain. His dancing changed dancing forever, he--almost single handiedly--created MTV as a force that formed us all in some way. My only youngest first cousin on my mother's side, out of 18 of us, was literally 'enthralled' by him. My daughter, who is 30, called to talk about his death. Nothing in recent history, as I said in the beginning, has seemingly be so completely covered by the media. Perhaps time from now should be referred to as 'AMJ'. EBay and Amazon sold out their stock of his music within minutes of his death. And yet, so far as I can see, he was the embodiment of what is wrong with our celebrity obcessed culture. Isolated, strange, pain-filled, driven to seek to create an eternal childhood, he was, in the end, one of the 'lost boys' rather than Peter Pan. It makes me wonder, as I remember him as a child singing with his brothers, what is true about the wisdom of "the child is father to the man". And it drives me to go stare at the photos I have of myself as a child and ponder....