"Close" is one of those over fancy Episcopal words for which there are much more simple and understandable words. The "Close" is the 'yard' or 'courtyard' of the church. It is an expansive area en'closed' by a fence and the buildings--hence the term 'close' from 'enclosure'.
Hundreds and hundreds of people walk across it daily, so it is not pristine. There is a labyrinth we build 5 years ago or so which is assaulted by crab grass each year. There is a walk way around it that is quite old and though beautiful, it is made up of large slates that are not conducive to wheelchairs or, really, walking without tripping. And the drainage is terrible in the Close so there are water puddles when it rains that are really lovely, with concentric circles colliding and disappearing from the drops of rain. So, there are charming parts to the Close--not the least of which are the creatures I watch there.
Lots of squirrels, crows, pigeons, starlings, other birds and the occasional seagull some 15 miles, as the gull flies, to the sea. I enjoy watching them do whatever such creatures do. Do you ever, like me, wish you could be inside an animal for a short time--like how long it takes a squirrel run across the Close or a crow soaring up and away from a tree in the Close?
Not for long, of course. I don't want to be my dog or cat or parakeets for long either--but just a few moments.
I haven't seen the urban hawk that visits the Close for quite a while. I hope nothing happened to him 0ver the winter. He could land in a tree and clear the dozen squirrels, flock of crows, 25 other birds out of the area in about 35 seconds.
I'd like to be inside a hawk for more than a few moments, 'cept I might loose myself and just stay, scattering the lesser beings, high in a tree, ruling the roost and the ground, really soaring, with such inexplicable eyesight and such power....I might want to be a hawk for a long time....
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
"I know I told you this...but...."
An old friend who used to go to the parish I served in New Haven some 25 years ago showed up at the Eucharist on Sunday and after the service said "I remember what you said about 'the burning bush'...."
I was horrified! I'd said the same thing I'd said a quarter century ago about a passage from Exodus!!! Good grief, is there nothing new under the sun?
Truth is, I never look back at old sermons and since we're on a 3 year cycle of readings, most every reading has shown up for me 10 times by now. So, after I got over the shock of repeating myself, I realized there is a finite number of things to say about biblical passages, unless you are really crazy and start making things up.
So, maybe my friend just remembered me mentioning the 'burning bush'--and why wouldn't I mention it since it was in the readings--or else I said it before, what I said yesterday. Who knows?
My wife is always telling me I told her something before already. About 2/3 of the time I suppose I acknowledge she is right. But 1/3 of the time, I know I haven't. KNOW IT, know what I mean? But maybe she's right and I am like a stuck record or an audio tape on an endless loop. Who knows?
The Truth, as I see it, is this--there aren't an infinite number of things to say in sermons about most everything about the tradition and scripture and message of the Christian Faith. There just aren't.
A friend of mine, when he retired, was asked what he had preached about most. "Hope", he said. For me it would be "Love", but Hope would be in there, along with Listening and Imagining and Caring and taking a Journey and something about Strangers.
A dear friend says that there are really only two plots to all of literature (I've probably told you this before...why not?) and those two plots are these:
*a Stranger comes to Town; and
*Someone leaves on a Journey.
She's not too far from wrong.
So, if my friend remembers a sermon 25 years ago about The Burning Bush, I should thank God that she remembers. It is the images and metaphors and symbols of faith that give the meat to the bone, the fruit to the tree, the context to life, the ways of seeing what we should be seeing through the fog of living.
So, I repeat myself. Repetition might be the way to learn and remember the richness and wonder of God's sacred story. Just maybe. At least something to ponder....
Did I tell you about the bush that burned and spoke to Moses lately? Here's how that story goes and what it means to us......
I was horrified! I'd said the same thing I'd said a quarter century ago about a passage from Exodus!!! Good grief, is there nothing new under the sun?
Truth is, I never look back at old sermons and since we're on a 3 year cycle of readings, most every reading has shown up for me 10 times by now. So, after I got over the shock of repeating myself, I realized there is a finite number of things to say about biblical passages, unless you are really crazy and start making things up.
So, maybe my friend just remembered me mentioning the 'burning bush'--and why wouldn't I mention it since it was in the readings--or else I said it before, what I said yesterday. Who knows?
My wife is always telling me I told her something before already. About 2/3 of the time I suppose I acknowledge she is right. But 1/3 of the time, I know I haven't. KNOW IT, know what I mean? But maybe she's right and I am like a stuck record or an audio tape on an endless loop. Who knows?
The Truth, as I see it, is this--there aren't an infinite number of things to say in sermons about most everything about the tradition and scripture and message of the Christian Faith. There just aren't.
A friend of mine, when he retired, was asked what he had preached about most. "Hope", he said. For me it would be "Love", but Hope would be in there, along with Listening and Imagining and Caring and taking a Journey and something about Strangers.
A dear friend says that there are really only two plots to all of literature (I've probably told you this before...why not?) and those two plots are these:
*a Stranger comes to Town; and
*Someone leaves on a Journey.
She's not too far from wrong.
So, if my friend remembers a sermon 25 years ago about The Burning Bush, I should thank God that she remembers. It is the images and metaphors and symbols of faith that give the meat to the bone, the fruit to the tree, the context to life, the ways of seeing what we should be seeing through the fog of living.
So, I repeat myself. Repetition might be the way to learn and remember the richness and wonder of God's sacred story. Just maybe. At least something to ponder....
Did I tell you about the bush that burned and spoke to Moses lately? Here's how that story goes and what it means to us......
Sunday, March 7, 2010
all the porn that fits, we print
Did you ever watch a porn movie? Be honest now...you don't have to tell me but admit it to yourselves.
I've often been in hotels by myself at conferences and such and when you turn on the TV one of the options is "Adult Films"--well, we all know that doesn't mean something so intellectual only college graduates would be interested in it. It means body parts and lots of them, in close-up with no plot to slow things down.
And porn is, if nothing else, 'soulless', brutal instead of romantic. The most lovely and erotic scenes I've ever seen on film usually have both people involved fully clothed. The 'old hollywood' practice of going to black when Doris Day and her co-star were kissing and moving toward the bed was much more romantic and erotic than modern films and in a different universe than porn.
I'm not as big an expert on porn as I might seem, at this point--but I have spent a LOT of nights in hotels alone....
Here's what I'm writing about: the back page of the NEW YORK TIMES Book Review this week has a full page ad for porn. It is framed very nicely as a way for people of all ages to improve their sex life with their life companion. It is presented as "demonstrating' sexual technique that might spice up your relationship. And the photo, which takes up a third of the page, is of a couple you would not quite imagine as the stars of porn movies. But they are both attractive, if a little older than you would expect, and their pose is suggestive enough.
Here's part of the text: "You'll see explicit demonstrations of imaginative sensual foeplay and lovemaking...new positions to try...experimenting with 'forbidden' fun...secrets of the Karma Sutra...."
I don't know about you, but the "erotic fantasy" mentioned later in the ad, sounds a lot to me like dressing up as a French Maid or a nurse in half-unbuttoned uniform or a cheerleader...something like that.
I am not a prude--God knows (and so do you) I'm not a prude. And I don't think there should be any limits on porn when the actors are of age and consenting. I don't even think badly of people who like to watch pornography....(you spend a lot of nights alone in hotel rooms and see....).
My problem is that this ad is on the back of the NEW YORK TIMES Book Review! Great God Almighty, is there not a shred of journalistic standards left? The Gray Lady with an ad for the two bonus DVDs called "Oral Loving" and "Art of Sexual Positions". When is enough enough?
And the Book Review section....that's the unkindest cut of all. Is nothing sacred?
(By the way, once your outrage is over, you can get all 6 DVD for only $29.90 plus six dollars shipping and 'handling'....get it....handling?)
Hey, it's your life--but I am disappointed in the New York Times. A little....
I've often been in hotels by myself at conferences and such and when you turn on the TV one of the options is "Adult Films"--well, we all know that doesn't mean something so intellectual only college graduates would be interested in it. It means body parts and lots of them, in close-up with no plot to slow things down.
And porn is, if nothing else, 'soulless', brutal instead of romantic. The most lovely and erotic scenes I've ever seen on film usually have both people involved fully clothed. The 'old hollywood' practice of going to black when Doris Day and her co-star were kissing and moving toward the bed was much more romantic and erotic than modern films and in a different universe than porn.
I'm not as big an expert on porn as I might seem, at this point--but I have spent a LOT of nights in hotels alone....
Here's what I'm writing about: the back page of the NEW YORK TIMES Book Review this week has a full page ad for porn. It is framed very nicely as a way for people of all ages to improve their sex life with their life companion. It is presented as "demonstrating' sexual technique that might spice up your relationship. And the photo, which takes up a third of the page, is of a couple you would not quite imagine as the stars of porn movies. But they are both attractive, if a little older than you would expect, and their pose is suggestive enough.
Here's part of the text: "You'll see explicit demonstrations of imaginative sensual foeplay and lovemaking...new positions to try...experimenting with 'forbidden' fun...secrets of the Karma Sutra...."
I don't know about you, but the "erotic fantasy" mentioned later in the ad, sounds a lot to me like dressing up as a French Maid or a nurse in half-unbuttoned uniform or a cheerleader...something like that.
I am not a prude--God knows (and so do you) I'm not a prude. And I don't think there should be any limits on porn when the actors are of age and consenting. I don't even think badly of people who like to watch pornography....(you spend a lot of nights alone in hotel rooms and see....).
My problem is that this ad is on the back of the NEW YORK TIMES Book Review! Great God Almighty, is there not a shred of journalistic standards left? The Gray Lady with an ad for the two bonus DVDs called "Oral Loving" and "Art of Sexual Positions". When is enough enough?
And the Book Review section....that's the unkindest cut of all. Is nothing sacred?
(By the way, once your outrage is over, you can get all 6 DVD for only $29.90 plus six dollars shipping and 'handling'....get it....handling?)
Hey, it's your life--but I am disappointed in the New York Times. A little....
Thursday, March 4, 2010
the internet sucks
OK, I am a troglodyte when it comes to computers. And just in the last few days I've realized two things: 1. my email privileges should be suspended indefinitely and 2. that wouldn't be a bad thing.
I have a soon to be new bishop. I've known him for years and asked him to come spend the better part of day with me so I could show him St. John's and enroll him in putting in his 2 cents worth about the future of the parish after I leave. That won't be a hard sell. There are few parishes anywhere that have such a rich, diverse and visionary ministry. I wanted him to visit our clericus group (where I get much inspiration) see the Soup Kitchen and other ministries in action, attend a staff meeting...like that.
Then I got an email from his secretary that said, simply, "We've had to change I.'s schedule, would -----" (another date) "work for you....?"
I replied it would be 'fine' if that's what my soon to be bishop wanted, I'd make it work. Then I decided to be funny, whimsical, facetious and a tad ironic. I forgot what I've been told dozens of times, such things do not work in email--they require face-to-face or at least a phone to give the nuance and tone of voice that lets people know you're just fooling around.
Any way, I went on for a while about "we" and was that the royal we or the papal we or simply someone with a tapeworm.....I advised my bishop to be not to let 'we' take over his schedule and told him he was beginning to slip into that nether-world where wondrous priests go when they become bishops....Stuff, like that, you get the drift....
When I turned on my phone the next day I already had a message from my bishop to be, plus a message at the church and an email--which I didn't read until the afternoon. I apologized to his secretary and to his 'soon to be Grace' and tried to straighten it out as best I could.
Don't try to be funny in an email, or mocking, or sardonic or even chiding. Email does not convey such subtleties.
I really have to behave myself better in email.
And then there is AOL. I kept getting emails from my provider, the way I get onto the web because it was the way I began the first time I had a computer and I've never changed because 'better the devil you actually know' and like that.
The emails were threatening to cancel my service and consign me to what could only be virtual purgatory for all time. Only pay $4.95 a month for the service and couldn't figure out how my account could be so in arrears that they were going to excise me from the Internet. But every time I clicked on the link they gave me in the email to settle things and make them right, I got a warning straight out of Homeland Security--OPEN THIS IF YOU WANT TO CAUSE THE END OF THE WORLD...something like that.
So, after 25 minutes trying to find a real person by calling AOL, I finally spoke to a young woman in New Delhi or someone where who told me someone had sent those emails to lots of AOL folks and AOL nerds had figured out how to add the warning but not how to stop the emails and had I ignored the Armageddon like warning, I would have handed over my credit card #, my SS number, my bank account #, the name of my pet and my mother's maiden name to someone--NOT AOL--who would have wrecked havoc on my life.
When I asked her why AOL had not sent me an email telling me of this dire threat, she said "AOL will never send you an email. We use pop ups." When I asked why they didn't drop me a card or give me a call she told me "AOL doesn't use that form of communication...plus there are millions of AOL customers getting these false emails...."
So I asked her how the weather was in Bombay and hung up. She was so nice a friendly and Indian-sub-continent like I even told her my one Indian-sub-continent joke--the one about what someone from the I-s-c does when he cannot get his car radio to work...."Bang-le-dash".
She didn't laugh but tried to sell me some new service from AOL that, as far as I could tell, had nothing to do from protecting me from AOL emails that aren't really AOL emails....Like that....
So, all in all--between alienating my soon to be bishop and his secretary and almost forfeiting my net worth to someone that seemed to be AOL--I've decided the internet sucks....Just me talkin', you can ponder it all....
I have a soon to be new bishop. I've known him for years and asked him to come spend the better part of day with me so I could show him St. John's and enroll him in putting in his 2 cents worth about the future of the parish after I leave. That won't be a hard sell. There are few parishes anywhere that have such a rich, diverse and visionary ministry. I wanted him to visit our clericus group (where I get much inspiration) see the Soup Kitchen and other ministries in action, attend a staff meeting...like that.
Then I got an email from his secretary that said, simply, "We've had to change I.'s schedule, would -----" (another date) "work for you....?"
I replied it would be 'fine' if that's what my soon to be bishop wanted, I'd make it work. Then I decided to be funny, whimsical, facetious and a tad ironic. I forgot what I've been told dozens of times, such things do not work in email--they require face-to-face or at least a phone to give the nuance and tone of voice that lets people know you're just fooling around.
Any way, I went on for a while about "we" and was that the royal we or the papal we or simply someone with a tapeworm.....I advised my bishop to be not to let 'we' take over his schedule and told him he was beginning to slip into that nether-world where wondrous priests go when they become bishops....Stuff, like that, you get the drift....
When I turned on my phone the next day I already had a message from my bishop to be, plus a message at the church and an email--which I didn't read until the afternoon. I apologized to his secretary and to his 'soon to be Grace' and tried to straighten it out as best I could.
Don't try to be funny in an email, or mocking, or sardonic or even chiding. Email does not convey such subtleties.
I really have to behave myself better in email.
And then there is AOL. I kept getting emails from my provider, the way I get onto the web because it was the way I began the first time I had a computer and I've never changed because 'better the devil you actually know' and like that.
The emails were threatening to cancel my service and consign me to what could only be virtual purgatory for all time. Only pay $4.95 a month for the service and couldn't figure out how my account could be so in arrears that they were going to excise me from the Internet. But every time I clicked on the link they gave me in the email to settle things and make them right, I got a warning straight out of Homeland Security--OPEN THIS IF YOU WANT TO CAUSE THE END OF THE WORLD...something like that.
So, after 25 minutes trying to find a real person by calling AOL, I finally spoke to a young woman in New Delhi or someone where who told me someone had sent those emails to lots of AOL folks and AOL nerds had figured out how to add the warning but not how to stop the emails and had I ignored the Armageddon like warning, I would have handed over my credit card #, my SS number, my bank account #, the name of my pet and my mother's maiden name to someone--NOT AOL--who would have wrecked havoc on my life.
When I asked her why AOL had not sent me an email telling me of this dire threat, she said "AOL will never send you an email. We use pop ups." When I asked why they didn't drop me a card or give me a call she told me "AOL doesn't use that form of communication...plus there are millions of AOL customers getting these false emails...."
So I asked her how the weather was in Bombay and hung up. She was so nice a friendly and Indian-sub-continent like I even told her my one Indian-sub-continent joke--the one about what someone from the I-s-c does when he cannot get his car radio to work...."Bang-le-dash".
She didn't laugh but tried to sell me some new service from AOL that, as far as I could tell, had nothing to do from protecting me from AOL emails that aren't really AOL emails....Like that....
So, all in all--between alienating my soon to be bishop and his secretary and almost forfeiting my net worth to someone that seemed to be AOL--I've decided the internet sucks....Just me talkin', you can ponder it all....
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
A mess to clean up....
Ok, so apparently I didn't post the 'post' I intended to yesterday. I thought I had, but I must have left it undone and left on the computer I was using. It was a mess, in a way.
Never mind, that post was too self-righteous by half.
Mrs. J came to noon prayers yesterday and participated in a great way. I knew her accent was southern and thought it would be central NC. Today she came back and read again and I asked her and she is from Gatesville, NC, near Raleigh.
But on Monday, her great grandson came in and yelled at her in the middle of our noon prayers about where she had parked. (Now, she had parked in a bad place and her great-grandson got grief because he was around the car...but, even that and much more is no reason to yell at your great-grandmother.) So, what I wrote yesterday was about the damage I wished to do to her great-grandson and how awful he was. I told him to sit down and pray or leave...and, with a shake of his head, he left.
With a 24 hour period to 'ponder' all that, I realize it isn't about Mrs. J and her GGson, it's about me and how many times and in how many ways I never respected my elders.
Maybe it's just me, but, if not, I would invite you to ponder how often you have shown disrespect, impatience and anger toward one of your ancestors.
If you can't find any--I'm finding a lot!--God bless you.
But if you do, reflect on that--those times you were not respectful to your elders--and ponder what it might mean.
Just a thought.
Never mind, that post was too self-righteous by half.
Mrs. J came to noon prayers yesterday and participated in a great way. I knew her accent was southern and thought it would be central NC. Today she came back and read again and I asked her and she is from Gatesville, NC, near Raleigh.
But on Monday, her great grandson came in and yelled at her in the middle of our noon prayers about where she had parked. (Now, she had parked in a bad place and her great-grandson got grief because he was around the car...but, even that and much more is no reason to yell at your great-grandmother.) So, what I wrote yesterday was about the damage I wished to do to her great-grandson and how awful he was. I told him to sit down and pray or leave...and, with a shake of his head, he left.
With a 24 hour period to 'ponder' all that, I realize it isn't about Mrs. J and her GGson, it's about me and how many times and in how many ways I never respected my elders.
Maybe it's just me, but, if not, I would invite you to ponder how often you have shown disrespect, impatience and anger toward one of your ancestors.
If you can't find any--I'm finding a lot!--God bless you.
But if you do, reflect on that--those times you were not respectful to your elders--and ponder what it might mean.
Just a thought.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
why don't they? I don't know...
Well, I screwed up again, hit the 'enter' button and posted the name of the post only. sorry.
Someone asked me today what I would like as a going away gift. And I said, without thinking, really, "I wish people would come to church...."
I've been wishing that most of my professional life and I know all the reasons people 'don't' come to church--I will be dealing with that soon enough...will I go to church if not paid to do so? But it is still my wish.
If the members of St. John's CAME TO CHURCH there would be 6 or 7 hundred people there every Sunday. That would be a challenge, surely, for those of us who do liturgy. We have nearly 400 on Easter and that's something to deal with. But I think I would be able to master having the church full to overflowing each week.
I know why people don't 'come to church'--they work hard all week and need a break, it is snowing/raining/doesn't look good, there is something else to do, it's just a pain...on and on, I could come up with dozens of reasons about 'not coming to church' and all of them would be valid and correct.
The problem is coming up with reasons TO COME TO CHURCH. Well, I can do that too, but the suggestions aren't nearly as compelling as the obvious reasons not to.
It is a way to be close to God....You can be close to God without ever darkening the door of a church. I know that. Since God is everywhere all the time, God is in your kitchen, your bedroom, the soccer field, the woods, the shore, with the coffee and New York Times. So, if you are consciously 'being close to God' anywhere else--may God bless you. But 'church' is a place where chances are you will 'be close to God', as boring as it is and all that.
(An aside about 'boring', which I'm told Church is, though I don't think so: there is no such thing as 'boring' in the universe. Bring me a cup of 'boring', or a handful, or a teaspoon full. You can't. Boring doesn't exist like a thing. I used to tell people "hockey is boring", but I've been glued to hockey games from the Vancouver Olympics. "Boring" isn't 'out there', waiting to bore you. "Boring" is inside you, ready to jump out. So, if church is 'boring', who you going to blame? God? I hope not. Maybe yourself because you don't bring excitement and anticipation and hopefulness with you to loan to 'church'? I don't know. Something to ponder.
Church is a place to find 'community'.
I would contend that what is most missing in the lives of most people is a 'community'.
We are so individualistic and so self-absorbed that we don't even imagine that the way to live is to live in 'community'. A community, unlike a family, is something you can choose. And there you will find yourself in a way you can't outside of community. Community makes us whole...I do believe that...and that is the primary reason I am so distressed about leaving St. John's. I have found 'wholeness' there and must find some new definition of 'being whole' once I leave.
You just ought to....
There are some things you simply 'ought to do'. Brush your teeth, get a good night's sleep, be kind and compassionate to your family, never abuse an animal--stuff like that are simply 'oughts'. One of those is 'go to church'. You don't have to like it, but like brushing your teeth and being kind to animals, some 'oughts' make you a better person over time, without you even realizing it. Church is one of those.
So, what I want is a full church the last 8 sundays of my time at St. John's. That's what I wish for and what would be the best going away present ever....
Someone asked me today what I would like as a going away gift. And I said, without thinking, really, "I wish people would come to church...."
I've been wishing that most of my professional life and I know all the reasons people 'don't' come to church--I will be dealing with that soon enough...will I go to church if not paid to do so? But it is still my wish.
If the members of St. John's CAME TO CHURCH there would be 6 or 7 hundred people there every Sunday. That would be a challenge, surely, for those of us who do liturgy. We have nearly 400 on Easter and that's something to deal with. But I think I would be able to master having the church full to overflowing each week.
I know why people don't 'come to church'--they work hard all week and need a break, it is snowing/raining/doesn't look good, there is something else to do, it's just a pain...on and on, I could come up with dozens of reasons about 'not coming to church' and all of them would be valid and correct.
The problem is coming up with reasons TO COME TO CHURCH. Well, I can do that too, but the suggestions aren't nearly as compelling as the obvious reasons not to.
It is a way to be close to God....You can be close to God without ever darkening the door of a church. I know that. Since God is everywhere all the time, God is in your kitchen, your bedroom, the soccer field, the woods, the shore, with the coffee and New York Times. So, if you are consciously 'being close to God' anywhere else--may God bless you. But 'church' is a place where chances are you will 'be close to God', as boring as it is and all that.
(An aside about 'boring', which I'm told Church is, though I don't think so: there is no such thing as 'boring' in the universe. Bring me a cup of 'boring', or a handful, or a teaspoon full. You can't. Boring doesn't exist like a thing. I used to tell people "hockey is boring", but I've been glued to hockey games from the Vancouver Olympics. "Boring" isn't 'out there', waiting to bore you. "Boring" is inside you, ready to jump out. So, if church is 'boring', who you going to blame? God? I hope not. Maybe yourself because you don't bring excitement and anticipation and hopefulness with you to loan to 'church'? I don't know. Something to ponder.
Church is a place to find 'community'.
I would contend that what is most missing in the lives of most people is a 'community'.
We are so individualistic and so self-absorbed that we don't even imagine that the way to live is to live in 'community'. A community, unlike a family, is something you can choose. And there you will find yourself in a way you can't outside of community. Community makes us whole...I do believe that...and that is the primary reason I am so distressed about leaving St. John's. I have found 'wholeness' there and must find some new definition of 'being whole' once I leave.
You just ought to....
There are some things you simply 'ought to do'. Brush your teeth, get a good night's sleep, be kind and compassionate to your family, never abuse an animal--stuff like that are simply 'oughts'. One of those is 'go to church'. You don't have to like it, but like brushing your teeth and being kind to animals, some 'oughts' make you a better person over time, without you even realizing it. Church is one of those.
So, what I want is a full church the last 8 sundays of my time at St. John's. That's what I wish for and what would be the best going away present ever....
countdown
Ok, I never really thought about that it would come down to this--2 months, 61 days, 8 Sundays--before I retire.
This is too close, to near, to real now.
Why did I decide to do this?
I know it is finally the right thing to do. I know ultimately that all will be well and all will be well and all that.....
And, here it is--2 months, 61 days, 8 Sundays. And I'm scared shitless....Well, that's not quite true, when I get frightened I don't retain.....NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW THAT...OK?
I am much more worried about the parish than about myself. I'll be fine. I actually love being alone and working alone and doing things you do alone. I plan to get a carrel at the Cheshire Library or an office at St. Peter's church where I can do all the stuff I've longed to do for decades but couldn't because I was the priest of a remarkable and very active parish. I will be ok, promise--probably better than OK, but not because I've left St. John's...just because the things I want to do require more alone time than I've had for 20 years.
But I do worry about the parish. I've simply been around so long that the institutional memory doesn't register too well on 1988 and before.
I'm going to add up the funerals and baptisms and marriages some time soon and let you know. Just that kind of 'heavy' involvement weighs me down and ties me to this place. Hundreds and hundreds (stay tuned for the #'s)....
I know and know fair well that the folks there are fine and more than fine and will discover a future they create that will be so wondrous they'll someday say, "Jim who?" Like that. But in the short run, St. John's needs a gentle and wise hand to guide things and that's always been my job.
I am gentle, I believe. I don't make a fuss and never pick a fight and have 'the long view' about things. And I am, if I might be so bold to say, 'wise' about things--most of that wisdom is not making a fuss and never picking a fight and keeping the 'long view', so it's a lot like gentleness. Surprise, surprise--I could have told you...gentleness and wisdom are pretty much the same thing. Who knew?
What I have to do is 'let go' over the next 2 months, 61 days, 8 Sundays. I have to let go and let the folks there do what they WILL do--the right thing.
Right now, staring out my window at such a short time in the midst of things--2 months isn't long after over 20 years, after all....I am terrified.
All WILL be well, but that doesn't undo my terror at this point in time.....
This is too close, to near, to real now.
Why did I decide to do this?
I know it is finally the right thing to do. I know ultimately that all will be well and all will be well and all that.....
And, here it is--2 months, 61 days, 8 Sundays. And I'm scared shitless....Well, that's not quite true, when I get frightened I don't retain.....NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW THAT...OK?
I am much more worried about the parish than about myself. I'll be fine. I actually love being alone and working alone and doing things you do alone. I plan to get a carrel at the Cheshire Library or an office at St. Peter's church where I can do all the stuff I've longed to do for decades but couldn't because I was the priest of a remarkable and very active parish. I will be ok, promise--probably better than OK, but not because I've left St. John's...just because the things I want to do require more alone time than I've had for 20 years.
But I do worry about the parish. I've simply been around so long that the institutional memory doesn't register too well on 1988 and before.
I'm going to add up the funerals and baptisms and marriages some time soon and let you know. Just that kind of 'heavy' involvement weighs me down and ties me to this place. Hundreds and hundreds (stay tuned for the #'s)....
I know and know fair well that the folks there are fine and more than fine and will discover a future they create that will be so wondrous they'll someday say, "Jim who?" Like that. But in the short run, St. John's needs a gentle and wise hand to guide things and that's always been my job.
I am gentle, I believe. I don't make a fuss and never pick a fight and have 'the long view' about things. And I am, if I might be so bold to say, 'wise' about things--most of that wisdom is not making a fuss and never picking a fight and keeping the 'long view', so it's a lot like gentleness. Surprise, surprise--I could have told you...gentleness and wisdom are pretty much the same thing. Who knew?
What I have to do is 'let go' over the next 2 months, 61 days, 8 Sundays. I have to let go and let the folks there do what they WILL do--the right thing.
Right now, staring out my window at such a short time in the midst of things--2 months isn't long after over 20 years, after all....I am terrified.
All WILL be well, but that doesn't undo my terror at this point in time.....
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