Thursday, October 16, 2014

Cabbage core

Back when I was a kid, I spent a lot of time with my grandmother 'up on the hill'--which is how we described where she lived. I had 4 Pugh cousins and 2 Perkins cousins who lived nearer her. The Pugh's (children of my uncle Lee and aunt Juanette) lived across the red-dog road from Mammaw Jones. Bradley and Mejol Perkins lived in a house half-way down the hill.

I lived about 5 miles away.

Mejol was my youngest cousin and she's five years older than me. All the others (Duane, Joel, Marlin and Gayle along with Mejol's brother, Bradley) were even older. I was the baby of the brood and alternatively spoiled rotten and harassed by them--except for Mejol. She was my line of defense from the boys.

Whenever my grandmother fried cabbage on her wood cooking stove (and she fried it a lot: cabbage was a food group on my mother's side of the family...the Bradley's seldom ate it) whichever cousins were there would fight over the core. Cabbage core was one of the treats of my childhood. Usually we'd go to great lengths to divide it up.

It is crisp and sweet and better with salt with a little tang of something earthy.

I thought about it because I fried cabbage (not on a wood cooking stove, by the way) earlier this week, and I carefully saved the core.

As I've been writing this, I've been eating it, with garlic salt, because I can.

You know how lots of foods from the past don't live up to your memory when you eat them in today?

Let me tell you this: cabbage core does!

While I've been writing and eating (cabbage core with white wine--that's not from my childhood!) I've been tasting my grandmother's kitchen, up on the hill, so long ago.

(A week or two ago, I fixed myself a turkey sandwich on white bread with mayo, iceberg lettuce and bread and butter pickles. It's a sandwich that the women of one of the Black churches in Anawalt, WV, when I was a boy, would sell. We didn't socialize with Black folks back then, but we bought their food....I always remembered those as the best sandwiches I ate growing up. The one I made myself almost lived up to the memory. I'll try again after Thanksgiving since I think the key is that the turkey come from a bird, not the Deli.)

But cabbage core....Lordy, Lordy, it was like being with my cousins again! Back at Mammaw's house, with the smell of frying cabbage in the air.

I've realized between this and the cabbage rolls Bern made today, that cabbage is one of my favorite vegetables. An slaw...I love slaw. And sour kraut, how good is that?

I'd probably forget to put cabbage on the list for my final meal...but I hope not.


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Tim and Mimi's Wedding #3

THE DAY ITSELF

We slept in and had breakfast at the free breakfast stations of the NU Hotel. I just wanted to hang out in the hotel so we passed on wandering around the city with Josh and Cathy and the girls. Had lunch with John Anderson at a place literally across the street from the hotel--one of the best hamburgers I've ever eaten, by the way.

Mimi and Tim's plan (and, again, I tell you, the reason this was the best wedding ever is that they orchestrated every moment of it and got it to be 'what they wanted') was that Bern would go to Mimi's friends apartment with Tim's mom while Allison 'made her up' and I would go with Tim's dad and brother to Tim and Mimi's apartment to watch him get ready. All this at 4 p.m.. Then we'd all meet at Ici, the restaurant where the service and reception would take place. We took two car services because Tim had to take amplifiers, computers, mixers and other stuff I don't understand (for the reception and the music and all (like I said, these two made it be what they wanted it to be.)

There were photos of families and the girls as flower girls and Tim and Mimi. Then waiting around until 6:30 when the service was scheduled in the little courtyard behind the restaurant. Bern had this great idea to tie the two rings onto ribbons tied to Emma and Morgan's dresses--Tegan was scattering rose petals. About 15 minutes before the service, the bow came undone and Emma lost Tim's ring. Yikes! But we were in an enclosed space, after all, and Tim's brother stepped on the ring and we got it back. So Bern appropriated the rings and didn't give them back until the sort of procession (Bern and Me, Bob and Carol, the girls, Tim and Mimi) and put the rings on Emma and Morgan's fingers and made them make a fist under threat of pain.

Anyway, two things happened: when Tim and Mimi were seen by the crowd, everyone started applauding and cheering and Morgan joined in and Mimi's ring came off her finger. We were all up front and someone found it right away. No superstition from Mimi and Tim, they just laughed.

The 13 minute service was like that--mistakes and laughter and tears.

Mimi had to tell me to let people sit down (I was as nervous as I've ever been at a wedding--partly because I wasn't in 'complete control' and partly because I didn't want to mess it up for Mimi and Tim). Tim got four words into the vows when his voice broke and he had tears on his face. Mimi laughed and then started crying herself. She tried to put Tim's ring on his right hand and everyone laughed. We prayed for them and then cheered like mad as they walked out.

Drinks and toasts upstairs while Ici's staff got ready downstairs (if you're ever in Brooklyn, find this restaurant--it's on DeKalb Street, farm to table and impeccable).

The rest was like a dream. 70 people (counting Tim and Mimi) remarkable food (best ever wedding food) served family style. Mimi and Tim leaving to move from table to table (about the only 'traditional' thing they did). Dancing and desert back upstairs (no 'wedding cake' but an assortment of puddings, pastries and 'cake pops').

I could go on and on but I won't.

It simply was this: 'just like them' and 'perfect'.

My baby girl is married (at long last!) to the man I would myself had picked for her. So much love at that service from friends and family. So much graciousness from Tim and Mimi. Something that came together 'just right'. Perfect.


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Tim and Mimi's Wedding #2

THE PARENTS' MEET

We found Cathy and Josh and the girls for a late lunch and then went to the hotel to get ready for 'The Meeting of the In-laws". We had never met Tim's parents. There were a couple of holidays over the years the McCarthy's lived in Springfield, MA, when something was planned. But it never happened and then they moved to Florida.

So, Tim and Mimi's plan (and everything about this whole two days went according to Mimi and Tim's plan--which was why it was so wondrous since Tim and Mimi are wondrous) we would take a cab to the corner of Decalb and Morgan (I think it was) to meet up with the McCarthys and Tim and Mimi.

The first cab driver didn't have any idea where Morgan St. (if that was it was) and told us to get out when he turned the first corner. We hailed another cab and took us to Decalb but had no idea where Morgan was and let up out charging only half the fare. I went into a Pizza Place and asked one of the Pizza guys where it was and he said, "go the the corner and take two lefts" and he was right and Mimi was waiting in front of the German place to lead us across the street to another bar because the German place was too loud.

The bar was perfect. So Jim and Bern met Bob and Carol (I can't help finishing that with "Ted and Alice" for those of you who remember). It was a tad awkward but not much and we fell into an easy conversation. I really liked them, which was good. Bob was a bit quiet but Carol is a talker so it all worked out. After having a drink and beginning our relationship, we all walked four blocks to an Italian Restaurant where we met up with Tim's brother and Josh and Cathy and the girls for a family meal that Mr. McCarty insisted on paying for (since it was, I suspect, in his mind the equivalent of the 'rehersal dinner' which in a traditional wedding would be paid for by the groom's parents. But when the two getting married are 39 and 36, all the 'traditions' are off.

(One odd moment, I'd gone to the bathroom at the bar before the restaurant and when I came back I saw a man hugging a woman I thought was Mimi. Since we were expecting Tim's brother, I assumed that's who it was, so I went up and introduced myself. He was polite and said it was good to meet me, but then I saw Mimi still seated and realized the woman only faintly looked like her and the two of them moved past me and on....I wonder what they made of that....)

The meal was great. Tegan fell asleep and Morgan was beginning to fail, but Emma was bright and amazing because she was sitting next to Tim and the girls think of him as a Rock Star of the first degree, so she talked incessantly with him throughout the meal.

Cathy and Bern took the girls to the hotel in a 'car service' (living in NYC means never having to drive and meeting lots of people from other countries in Uber, cabs and car services) while Josh and I went next door to The Mayflower--a bar with no sign that is about the size of our kitchen. We could get 35 people in our kitchen if all the stuff was moved out and that was the limit of the Mayflower. Tim and Mimi had let folks know if they wanted to see them on Marriage Eve they could come there from 8:30 on. And a lot of people did. Bern's cousin Frances and her partner, Cindy, the McCarthys, Jeff, Tim's brother (a real sweetheart), and a lot of what I call 'the Bennington Posse--people in their 30's who went to Bennington College with Tim and Mimi. Tim was a senior when Mimi was a freshman, so most of them knew them both, though some only knew Mimi while in Vermont. But since Mimi and Tim have been together for 13 years (only after meeting up in the Bennington Posse in NYC--all of them knew them both well.) What a great bunch of young people: friendly, smart, successful and in love with both Tim and Mimi.

We had a great time. I got back to the hotel at midnight, in a 'car service' with Josh. Both Bern and I were exhausted and I'd had more white wine than anyone really needs.

We slept. Wedding-Eve was over.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Tim and Mimi's Wedding #1

All this happened in under 48 hours, but I may spend much of the week writing about it. It was that rich and wondrous and full of joy and hope!

Few things are, you know.

A. THE TRIP FROM HELL THERE

Bern and I had planned to drop off the dog at the Pet Lodge and go to Brooklyn. But the morning started slow and badly. I had to take the dog, feeding him popcorn (or as we've always called it because of Josh and Mimi's childhood pronunciation, "poppy-corn") to keep him from barking all the way. Fully worn out by the dog and wet from the rain, I came all the way back home before we got on the road to Brooklyn--no food, no coffee. Stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and got a quasaunt with sausage egg and cheese that I usually love that I couldn't near finish. And it was raining so that it was took heavy for the delay and too light for low speed for the wipers. And they were squealing on every wipe. Goodness gracious, what a start.

I know how to get to Brooklyn. Both Josh and Mimi have lived there over more than a decade before Josh moved to Baltimore. And both lived in Fort Green, a delightful, very diverse and up-and-coming part of the borough. But when I map-quested how to get to our hotel (the NU Hotel...I recommend it highly) the directions sent us over the Brooklyn Bridge rather than the Whitestone, which is the way I know. But I just assumed Map Quest knew better than me. After going 5 miles in 50 minutes on the Merritt because one lane was closed, we went 5 car lengths in an hour trying to get off the FDR onto the Bridge. All in all, a trip that rarely takes 2 hours took 4. And we arrived at the hotel with bladders bursting and John, who had his room reserved by Bern, having to wait almost an hour for us since they wouldn't give him a key until we arrived. Not the most auspicious beginning for what was supposed to be a wondrous, joyful two days.

I was a wreck for several hours after that trip. What was supposed to go 'so right' had, at the very beginning, gone 'so wrong'. I was kinda helpless finding Josh and Cathy and the girls for a late, late lunch at a French Bistro on Smith Street. I was shaken and unsure of myself. Why had what I'd looked forward to for months started so badly?


B. THE JOYOUS TRIP BACK

We came back the way I know--Map quest be damned--BQE to Long Island Express Way to Van Wick to Whitestone and up the parkways. We made it in under two hours even after stopping and having coffee sitting down! It ended as good as it started bad--even more so. Home before 1 p.m., two hours before getting the dog and he was as good for the 15 mile ride as he's ever been, with some poppy-corn to be sure, be so glad to see me and happy to be home. A calm and event-less return, just the way I like things...uneventful and without drama.

So the whole thing came to an end better than could have been expected and a dozen time better than the way it began.

Tim and Mimi's wedding just transformed most everything.

Later I'll tell you the rest....It's worth waiting for, I assure you.





Friday, October 10, 2014

The journey to joy

Tomorrow morning we drop the Puli off at the Pet Lodge (that's what it's called, I'm sorry) and drive to Brooklyn for two days of celebration of Mimi and Tim's marriage.

I am so excited and full of joy.

Pray for them, however you pray.

Tim and Mimi.

Glory. Glory. Glory.

Back on Monday with lots of details....

The truest poem

I love poetry. I write a little of it. I read a lot of it. Billy Collins is my favorite poet. He once came to St. John's, Waterbury because we invited him. He read his poetry to 300 high school kids who by been studying it because he was coming to Waterbury. He then spent an hour with a dozen or so extraordinary students and that night had dinner with a hundred or so people who had paid real money just to meet him.

Billy's poetry is wondrous and quirky and powerful. But the 'truest poem' I've ever read was written by a woman named Elsie Langstron. It perfectly outlines what each of us must be striving to do and living into and leaning against.

Here it is. Read and ponder.

Song to my other self

Over the years I have caught glimpses of you
in the mirror, wicked,
in a sudden stridency of my own voice, have
heard you mock me,
in the tightening of my muscles, felt the pull
of your anger and the whine
of your greed twist my countenance, felt your
indifference blank my face when pity was called for.
You are there, lurking under every kind act I do,
ready to defeat me.

Lately, rather than drop the lid of my shock
over your intrusion,
I have looked for you with new eyes,
opened to your tricks, but more,
opened to your rootedness if life.
Come, I open my arms to you, once dread stranger.
Come, as a friend I would welcome you to stretch your apartments
within me from the cramped to comforting size.
Thus I would disarm you. For I have recently learned,
learned looking straight into your eyes:
The Holiness of God is everywhere.


That for me speaks to the heart of Yungian Psychology and Christian theology as I understand it.

Not much better than that....

Thursday, October 9, 2014

night prayer

There is a prayer that we use to end Cluster Council Meeting called "night prayer" that is the most theologically and psychologically healthy prayers I've ever prayed.

It starts out in stillness in the presence of God--which is the very nature of the Centering Prayer I do and teach.

It calls us to let go of what 'has been done' and what 'has not been done', which is what we need to do spiritually and psychologically. Just 'let go' and move on.

It is fully Jungian when it talks of letting go of our fears of the darkness within us--embracing the dark, shadow side of who we are.

It asks for peace for all, even those who 'have no peace'.

It calls us to look for 'possibility' in the midst of the brokenness of life.

I've been told it comes from the New Zealand Prayer Book of that Anglican island.

I'm not sure. But I am sure it is one of the most holistic and inclusive prayers I've ever prayed.

So I share it with you here.


NIGHT PRAYER

Lord, it is night.

The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.

It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done.
What has not been done has not been done.
Let it be.

The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of our world and
of our own lives
rest in you.

The night is quiet.
Let t he quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us,
and those who have no peace.

The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
new joys, new possibilities.

In your name we pray. Amen.

I invite you to ponder the complexities of 'Night Prayer'. And to pray it....

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About Me

some ponderings by an aging white man who is an Episcopal priest in Connecticut. Now retired but still working and still wondering what it all means...all of it.