Winter?

This morning was really chill. Some random flakes of snow blowing. Most of the leaves are gone after two days of high wind.

Perhaps winter has come.

It's strange how we change as we go through life. I used to hate winter. I mean HATE IT!

The dark, the cold, the ice and snow--all of it inspired hatred in me. I never had any interest in winter sports at all. I just wanted to find somewhere warm and wait it out....

It was summer and heat I loved. People would say, "hot enough for you?" and I'd answer "No! Not nearly hot enough! And how about a little more humidity while we're at it!"

My fervor for heat gradually changed. I came to appreciate shade and air conditioning. And the older I got, the less I liked hot days.

As one love diminished, I began to have affection for chill mornings, for snow (within reason!) and for the quiet darkness of the wintertime.

One thing I figured out along the way--you can always put on more clothes to combat the cold. But when you're nearly nude and still feel hot and sweaty, you can't take off your skin. (I guess, technically, you could flay yourself, but that would cause more problems than it solved!)

So, on this first day that feels like 'winter', I welcome you. I invite you into my life. I will be patient and understanding about all the inconveniences you bring. And I will sleep through much of your Darkness....

Open letter to granddaughters #5

Dear Emma, Morgan, Tegan and Ellie,

Today is a beautiful fall day in New England. Just enough chill in the air and still lots of leaves waiting to fall. You can tell it is Autumn here in Connecticut--the sound of leaf blowers sound through the land!

A great thing about New England in November is that most days you can wear shorts and a sweater! Since I still have a brace on my right leg (though I'm walking with a cane) I take advantage of that fashion statement....

Do you know the saying: "did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" People usually say that if you are grouchy in the morning.

After 11 days of pondering the election of Donald Trump as our next president, I realized I've "woken up on the wrong side of my country...."

What Trump has stood for during the campaign is the opposite of most everything I believe.

I believe in global trade--he's against it. I think it raises the standard of living everywhere and he thinks it hurts people in the US. Nevermind that our standard of living is still one of the highest in the world.

I believe in the diversity of our country and in welcoming immigrants. He doesn't seem to.

I believe in equal rights and equal pay for women and in a large increase in the minimum wage. He doesn't seem to.

I believe in upping taxes on the wealthy and I think his tax plan will lower the taxes of the rich.

I believe in building up the social network: welfare, health care, education. I'm not sure he does.

I could go on and on. Really.

So I woke up on the wrong side of my country on November 9th.

Now I have to ponder what to do about that. I hope you won't mind if I share my ponderings from time to time here.

Love you so, Granpa

Harvest

(Something from a while ago for this time of year....)

HARVEST FESTIVAL

OCTOBER 21, 2003

          A friend of mine in New Haven once worked for a group that helped new immigrants from Russia. She and a translator took a middle-aged woman who had just arrived in this country to a local Stop and Shop so she could buy some initial groceries for her family. The entrance to the store put them in the produce section and my friend and the translator were pushing the grocery cart toward the fruit area when the Russian woman, turned around and practically ran out of the store.

          They found her outside, weeping, terribly distraught. The Russian woman was so upset that it took several minutes before she could tell the translator what was wrong. Then the translator embraced the woman and tried to comfort her. The Russian kept crying, saying the same phrase over and over.

          My friend kept asking, “What’s wrong? What is she saying?”

          The translator shook her head and smiled a sad but knowing smile. “She is saying, ‘too much…too much…too much…,’ “ the translator said. “she has never seen so much food at one time….”

          My friend told me this: “I’ll never look at a super market the same way again. What we take for granted is simply too much….”

          Today we celebrate the Harvest Festival. There are at least two reasons for this celebration. The first is to remember how gracious God has been to us and how bountiful God’s good earth is. It is to remind us that all good gifts come from God and that we should be thankful and grateful in our hearts and lives. We have been given, as were the Hebrew Children in today’s lesson from Deuteronomy, a “good land”. And like them, we must “bless the Lord for the good land he has given” us.

          But the second reason for this celebration is even more important than that. It is good and right that we acknowledge the gifts God has given us—but the more compelling reason for celebrating the Harvest is this: how are we to respond to God’s goodness?

          Being “thankful” is a beginning—but it is only a beginning.

                                                          *

          A story…that’s what we need…a fable to teach us what to do.

          Two tramps named Aaron and Silas—poor men with no future—were sleeping in a field one night. Silas couldn’t get comfortable because there was something under him. He woke Aaron up and the two of them dug, with their hands, in the soft ground beneath Silas’ tattered blanket.

          Lo and behold, they uncovered a treasure of diamonds and gold and fine pearls—a treasure worth a kingdom. They divided the treasure equally and then both of them fell on their faces and thanked God for such an astonishing blessing. The two tramps—now rich beyond imagining—embraced and told each other that they had been richly blessed by God.

          Then they parted at the dawn, each carrying their blessings with them. In the years to come Aaron used his wealth to accumulate more wealth. He became richer—rich enough to buy power and influence and become a man of importance.

          Silas lived out his life well, but simply, sharing his blessings with those he had known as a tramp and giving away most of his treasure, keeping only enough to be warm and safe and content.

          As fate would have it, Aaron and Silas died in the same moment—Aaron in his mansion and Silas in his humble but comfortable home—and they appeared simultaneously before the Judgment Seat of God.

          God spoke and said, “Aaron, you must go away from me into the Great Darkness. And Silas, you must come closer to me into the Light Eternal.”

          Aaron was incensed and confused. “How can this be, O Holy One? Silas and I were blessed by you at the same time. Surely that blessing shows that we were equally righteous. And we both gave praise to you for your gracious gift to us. So why must I leave your presence now while Silas enters in nearer to your Glory? We were both blessed….”

          And the Great God Almighty sighed in sadness. “Oh, Aaron,” God said, “I do love you as I love Silas and I did bless you as I blessed Silas. And I gloried in both of your thanksgivings to me. But there is this: my blessing wasn’t to reward you for what you had done to deserve it—my blessing was to reward you for what you would do with it....”

          As we celebrate God’s goodness and blessings to us today our hearts are full of thanksgiving. The praise we give to God today for all God’s gifts to us will be treasured in the heart of God. And that is a beginning.

          But it is only a beginning.

          God hasn’t blessed us to “reward” us for what we have done to deserve it. God has blessed us to reward us for what we will do with the gifts we have received.

          The blessing isn’t ours until we give it away. The only gift that matters is the gift we pass on.

          This is not the way our world works. Our world works on accumulating and saving and “having” and keeping.

          But this is the way God’s economy works. God’s economy works on distributing and sharing and giving away.

          We are blessed, not because we deserve it.

          We are blessed for what we will do with our blessings.

         

          Symbolically, we will give away the richness of the Harvest on the altar today. The bounty of the harvest from the Sharon House Garden and from the food individuals have brought today will go to the Soup Kitchen and to Jubilee Harvest. We do that as a symbol. Symbols are powerful things because they are visible and point to and include something else that is not visible.

          We can see what’s on the altar. All that “symbolizes” what we can’t see—the “blessings” God has given us, the “treasure” of our lives and resources and energy and talents and our time.

          What’s on the altar today POINTS TO AND INCLUDES all that we are, all that we have, all that we can be.

          What we “do” with all that is what really matters.

          I want to give us a few minutes of silence so that we can reflect on and acknowledge and give thanks for the many blessings and gifts and treasures God has given to each of us.

          Give thanks to God for all that God has given you.

          Your thanksgiving is a beginning. But it only a beginning.

          And then ponder, ponder for a moment, what you are going to do with those blessings and gifts and treasures.

          Ponder and consider and reflect on what God would have you DO with all that you’ve been given….

           

walking

Yesterday, for the first time since September 28, I walked and drove a car!

To say I felt 'liberated' would be to say too little, but to say felt 'humbled' might be spot on.

After a month and a half of being so dependent on Bern and some friends, I could finally go out--I went to a meeting!--by myself.

But the freedom reminded me of how much--how very, very much--Bern has done for me for the last 6 weeks. I told  her I'd never be able to repay her and she said, "I know it!" Another time I asked if there was any way I could make it up to her and she smiled in a way that made me nervous and said, "I'm working on it...."

I'm going to another meeting tonight. I'll drive myself to Physical Therapy tomorrow. I'll go to the store for us. I'll start cooking every other night, I'll help take out the dog....

But I did learn that being 'dependent' teaching us more than to enjoy 'independence', it taught me to truly recognize how much I need others in my life.

That, I would suggest, may be a better reaction to walking again than shouting 'YEA!"

(I'll see some of you out and about....)

Open letter to granddaughters #4

Dear loves,

I was talking on the phone to a woman who I know from one of the three little churches I serve. The woman's mother died about a year ago. The woman who died--let's call her Sarah--was a wonderful person. I visited her half-a-dozen or so times before she died. Until the last time she was sitting in her living room surrounded by pictures of family and funny little toys she collected. She had figures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (who  you don't know, I don't think) that I would have given a lot to own!

At any rate, Sarah was a dear. Kind, decent, funny, caring, loving--on and on of qualities like that.

The last time I saw her she was in bed, never to rise again, and asked me if I could pray for her to die. She was simply ready. She had a long and full life and wasn't dreading entering that door into whatever comes next. She apologized for asking, but asked me if I would, please, ask God for her death.

I couldn't do that, I just couldn't. So I asked God to let Sarah's wish reach the Heart of God. It must have. She was dead in a matter of hours after I left. I mourned her. I officiated at her funeral and held her family close. I miss her.

Then, a couple of days ago, Sarah's daughter told me over the phone that the family had stayed up all night watching the election results. "Mama wanted Donald Trump to win so badly," she told me, "we just had to root for him!"

Sarah, this paragon of virtue in my eye, had been a fan of Trump since the day he announced until the day she died.

I've pondered that for a few days. Someone I admired and liked so much wanted Trump to be her President....

I'm torn by the knowledge. I don't know how to process it--like so much of what has happened during this election.

I just didn't know what to say to Sarah's daughter who was so happy that Sarah's dying wish had been fulfilled. I was torn.

"Torn" is an apt word for how I feel these days....

Love you girls, Grampa

Open letter to granddaughters #3

Hey girls,

Last night (Thursday) I had what psychologists call 'an anxiety dream'. According to Carl Jung, such dreams are messages from our unconscious "Dream Maker" designed to help us deal with unresolved conflict in our waking lives. I've certainly had a lot of 'unresolved conflict' since Donald Trump was elected! So, as troubling as it was, I needed an anxiety dream. Thank you Dr. Jung....

The dream took place in Morgantown, West Virginia at a reunion of graduates of West Virginia University. I've never been to such a gathering, but the dream did send me back to a place in my past (though little of it looked familiar). Most unresolved conflict reaches back to the past, I've discovered.

I was at the reunion to present the award of  "most successful alumnus" of the University. There was a large ballroom with hundreds of people all dressed up. I was scheduled to be the final speaker, so I really didn't have to be in the room all the time.

Which is what happened! I kept leaving on what seemed like frivolous errands while others were eating dinner and hearing other speakers. I dropped in once in a while to make sure it wasn't my turn yet. The MC of the evening kept assuring me I had plenty of time. He looked like someone from my past, but I can't remember who.

So, I drifted in and out of the banquet.

*I went to a gift shop to buy something for the person I was awarding the honor to and picked out several things but never bought any of them.

*I went on a canoe trip on the streets of Morgantown, which are very steep, with a man who appeared to be Mike Pence, Vice-President elect. That was the only clue about what the dream was speaking to in my real life. My Dream Maker had us rowing up a roaring stream on University Avenue. I didn't remember getting back to the banquet but I did.

*I got back and noticed many people had left the ballroom but the MC assured me it was okay.

*Then I met a bunch of people I supposedly went to college with and we talked for a while. (I recognized one or two of them, but in the dream knew them all.) It turned out the guy I was making the speech about had gotten a job with an old friend of mine. So that seemed fine.

*However, when I went to the platform to make my speech, the lights were off and the MC was angry at me for missing the time I was going to speak.

*I did find the man I was to honor, sitting with a group in a lounge off the ballroom, but when I opened the folder to give my speech, all I found was a pound of unwrapped, thick-sliced, raw bacon I couldn't even manage to pick  up to give it to him. Everyone drifted away....

I woke up then, dear granddaughters. It was 3:30 a.m. I laid awake for an hour or so, going over the dream so I could remember it and write a letter to you about it.

When I was in Jungian analysis, it took several sessions to sort through such a complicated anxiety dream. I have work to do pondering things with my Dream Maker. But writing it down is important and I wanted to write it down for you....

Love you, Grampy

open letter to my granddaughters #2

Dear Morgan, Emma, Tegan and Baby Ellie,

Thanks for letting me write to you to work through my emotions and thoughts about the election of Donald Trump as President. I have a lot to ponder and writing is a good way to do it. I don't know if you'll ever read these ponderings, but I am writing them because of you--you are the Future to me. I'm longing to be hopeful about your future in this confusing and painful moment.

"Rural white working class people" is a term that must be said thousands of times a day on TV and radio and in print to try to understand what happened Tuesday. "Rural White working class people" we are told, gave Trump the edge he needed.

I know the older three of you know where I come from (Ellie's just 4 months old, so she doesn't yet....) I come from southern West Virginia. Both my grandfathers were farmers. My maternal grandmother ran a boarding house for single coal miners for several years. My Grandmother Bradley raised my father and his siblings. My father had an 8th grade education. He was a farm boy who worked in the coal mines until 4 years in World War II damaged his lungs. After that, he was a bar keeper, worked in a grocery store, drove a dry cleaning truck and, in his last years, sold insurance. My mother taught elementary school--beginning before she had a BA!

The town I grew up in was Anawalt. There were 400 people there and about.

I 'was' from "rural white working class people".

That's who I am down deep.

So, why didn't I understand them more accurately before the election?

Did all my education and urban living divorce me from my roots in some radical way? I think many people would think that.

But I'm not sure. I wasn't really 'comfortable' and 'myself' at Harvard Divinity School. I'm still baffled by New York City. I'm ill at ease in many gatherings of Episcopalians--my chosen people!--because they sometimes are from a social class and level of wealth that makes me anxious. Even the town I live in--Cheshire, CT--sometimes makes me nervous because it is so upper middle class and white.

I think I spent all my full-time ministry is cities and among minorities and the poor because I am more at ease there.

The election, as you can see, has made me question 'who I am?' in a profound way.

Maybe I'm caught between two worlds: my mountain roots and my comfortable New England adopted life--in ways I didn't understand before Tuesday's election. And in ways that make me an 'outsider' to both. I have been thrown into a deep place of  reflection unlike anything I've known before.

I know 'understanding' is the 'booby-prize' but I write, trying to get a handle on what threw me for such a loop two days ago.

If you don't mind, I'll keep pondering by writing to you...to the future....OK?