"Accident prone" is the polite way to refer to it. "Clumsy" would be more accurate.
I am a very clumsy person. I bump into things on a regular basis--things anyone more adroit would never bump into.
I'm also incredibly sensitive to aspirin. I take a baby aspirin every other day since taking one every day means my forearms and hands are constantly bruised. They are still bruised, because I'm clumsy and bump into things, but I think it's a tad better since my doctor, Mark, let me go to one every other day.
People with some medical expertise have asked me if I take cumadin (sp) or some other blood thinner when they see my forearms and hands. Nope, just baby aspirin which is supposed to be good for you.
Right now I am as bruise free as I've been for months. I have a small, fading bruise on my left hand and 5 bruises on my left forearm. The only serious bruise on my left arm in near my wrist and got serious when I scraped it and it started bleeding and then weeping until Bern suggested Aloe, which has done wonders. I have a couple of fading dime-sized bruises further up.
It's rather embarrassing. During half the year I can wear long sleeves and cover up the worst of the bruising. But not these days. I have a slight--very slight--sense of what it must be like to be a leper. People are repelled by the bruises and I don't blame them.
I've also grown rather defensive about it. When Josh asked me about it over the 4th, I was short with him and he said he wasn't being judgmental, just concerned.
Also, an inhaler I take makes me tremble a bit--sometimes a lot. It has a steroid in it and simply makes me tremble. One of my best friends called Bern and asked about it, thinking it might be a sign of Parkinson's Disease. I'm on an injected medication every two weeks called Xolaire that is letting me use the inhaler less and less. I just held up my hands and there was no tremble at all.
Again, embarrassment is the issue.
What is 'embarrassment' about anyway?
Something about defensiveness, surely. And something about feeling 'not good' about yourself.
I'm going to ponder 'embarrassment' for a bit and try to get over it.
That might be something of value for you as well. I don't know, but maybe....
Monday, July 7, 2014
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Looking back
The weekend was great--Josh and Cathy and the girls. Josh loves to organize outings so I went with him and the girls to Sleeping Giant Park--never been there, sort of like New Yorkers' who've never been to the Statue of Liberty or the top of the Empire State Building. Sleeping Giant is 5 miles away and we've lived in New Haven and then Cheshire since 1980 and never once been there.
The 'paths' aren't 'paths' at all, they are areas of large rocks and tree roots around which you can, if you are agile enough, walk. I almost turned my ankle a dozen times. When Josh and the girls went up a 60 degree hill, I demurred and waited on them. Had I turned and ankle or fallen and broken my leg, I could only imagine how Josh and three little girls would get me back over the 'not really paths'. Maybe they'd just leave me or shoot me and put me out of my misery.
My first visit to Sleeping Giant will be my last, I promise.
The 5th was wondrous! What a day! A day to be out in the yard and on the deck. But Josh had another road trip planned. We went to New Haven and had pizza at Pepe's. Since Josh and Mimi spent 5 years of their childhood in walking distance of Pepe's, it is a visit he wants to make. And, by the way, the pizza is beyond belief. Bern and I shared a medium white clam that was larger than any large anywhere else. Morgan, Emma and Tegan ate piece after piece of a bacon pizza and a plain cheese pizza. At dinner that night, the leftovers went on the grill and they ate even more....
We did Italian sausage, chicken and tuna kabobs with rice and corn and asparagus--all on the grill. Again, more eating that should be admitted to. Then roasted marshmallows over the coals and strawberry shortcake--the 4th on the 5th. So good.
The girls were wondrous. Emma with her humor, Morgan with her attention and engagement, Tegan with off the wall questions and comments.
An example: Josh and I are sitting on the back porch reading (me with an actual paper book and him with his smart phone) and the other two girls are in the yard, digging, they love to did--Bern goes inside and Tegan comes over to me eating a ice pop. "Granpa," she says, very seriously, in a whisper, "is your wife crazy?"
I'm startled. "Do you mean Granma?" I ask. Josh is shaking his head and chuckling.
Tegan nods solemnly and licks her ice pop.
After a while, I say, "yes, a little crazy....But a little crazy is good and fun."
She seemed satisfied.
Josh, still shaking his head, said, "I don't know where this stuff comes from, but it's always coming."
I told Bern later and she laughed and laughed. She is a little crazy and it IS good and fun....
The 'paths' aren't 'paths' at all, they are areas of large rocks and tree roots around which you can, if you are agile enough, walk. I almost turned my ankle a dozen times. When Josh and the girls went up a 60 degree hill, I demurred and waited on them. Had I turned and ankle or fallen and broken my leg, I could only imagine how Josh and three little girls would get me back over the 'not really paths'. Maybe they'd just leave me or shoot me and put me out of my misery.
My first visit to Sleeping Giant will be my last, I promise.
The 5th was wondrous! What a day! A day to be out in the yard and on the deck. But Josh had another road trip planned. We went to New Haven and had pizza at Pepe's. Since Josh and Mimi spent 5 years of their childhood in walking distance of Pepe's, it is a visit he wants to make. And, by the way, the pizza is beyond belief. Bern and I shared a medium white clam that was larger than any large anywhere else. Morgan, Emma and Tegan ate piece after piece of a bacon pizza and a plain cheese pizza. At dinner that night, the leftovers went on the grill and they ate even more....
We did Italian sausage, chicken and tuna kabobs with rice and corn and asparagus--all on the grill. Again, more eating that should be admitted to. Then roasted marshmallows over the coals and strawberry shortcake--the 4th on the 5th. So good.
The girls were wondrous. Emma with her humor, Morgan with her attention and engagement, Tegan with off the wall questions and comments.
An example: Josh and I are sitting on the back porch reading (me with an actual paper book and him with his smart phone) and the other two girls are in the yard, digging, they love to did--Bern goes inside and Tegan comes over to me eating a ice pop. "Granpa," she says, very seriously, in a whisper, "is your wife crazy?"
I'm startled. "Do you mean Granma?" I ask. Josh is shaking his head and chuckling.
Tegan nods solemnly and licks her ice pop.
After a while, I say, "yes, a little crazy....But a little crazy is good and fun."
She seemed satisfied.
Josh, still shaking his head, said, "I don't know where this stuff comes from, but it's always coming."
I told Bern later and she laughed and laughed. She is a little crazy and it IS good and fun....
Friday, July 4, 2014
rainy 4th
I ran into my neighbor from across the street at Stop and Shop earlier today. "Hey, Joe," I said, "plan B?" We were both there to find dinner that didn't have to be grilled.
The day is rainy but Josh and Cathy and our granddaughters are here so it's bright inside!
They came late last night--after midnight--and were exhausted. The girls got some back yard time between rains and found a multitude of worms and slugs and ballbugs driven out into the open by the wet ground. Kids love gross and slimy and dirty things by their very nature. It seems to me you could predict the onset of adolescence by when kids stop picking up slimy things.
Josh, like Mimi when she's here commented on 'how quiet' Cheshire is. I guess it is but I just take it for granted. Like the Irish cab driver a few years ago who, every time he turned a curve going from Dreury to the Domitine retreat center heard me gasp as the beauty of the landscape.
Finally he said, in a wondrous accent, "Yea, I think we've come to take it for granted."
Too bad how we take blessings and beauty like that. Having the girls around to let me see the world through their eyes jars me out of complacency and I notice how astonishing worms are....
The day is rainy but Josh and Cathy and our granddaughters are here so it's bright inside!
They came late last night--after midnight--and were exhausted. The girls got some back yard time between rains and found a multitude of worms and slugs and ballbugs driven out into the open by the wet ground. Kids love gross and slimy and dirty things by their very nature. It seems to me you could predict the onset of adolescence by when kids stop picking up slimy things.
Josh, like Mimi when she's here commented on 'how quiet' Cheshire is. I guess it is but I just take it for granted. Like the Irish cab driver a few years ago who, every time he turned a curve going from Dreury to the Domitine retreat center heard me gasp as the beauty of the landscape.
Finally he said, in a wondrous accent, "Yea, I think we've come to take it for granted."
Too bad how we take blessings and beauty like that. Having the girls around to let me see the world through their eyes jars me out of complacency and I notice how astonishing worms are....
Thursday, July 3, 2014
OK, enough sweetness and light...
Ann Coulter.
You know where I'm going with this, right? If not you haven't been paying attention lately.
Ann Coulter (just to type her name annoys me!) went on a rant of Fox News (where else?) about soccer. Her take on the interest of Americans in the World Cup matches shows 'the moral decay' of American culture.
(Let me give you a minute to take that in...if, indeed, it is take-able in-able....)
OK, so here's her argument (such as it is):
1. America's interest in soccer shows that immigration from south of the border is out of control (because, presumably, white people don't like soccer!--nevermind about Europe....)
2. It is too much of a 'team sport' so there are no superstars and America needs superstars. (Nevermind, again, that there are stars in soccer but it is essentially a team sport...and when did playing as a 'team' become un-American? I thought that was the most American thing of all....)
3. It's boring because the scores are so low and American's like lots of scoring. (Never mind that a 1-0 baseball game is a classic and a 7-3 football game, though unusual, is the most exciting kind of game--since when is defense a bad thing.)
So, Soccer would be ok if the scores were like the NBA and there were super stars and white people played it....
Jesus, how stupid is that?
I didn't grow up playing soccer and neither of my kids played either, but lots of their friends did and now practically every kid in the suburbs plays soccer. And certainly every Hispanic kid does.
Ok, I'm getting irrational about this. Just go on line and find her rant and weep for America....
You know where I'm going with this, right? If not you haven't been paying attention lately.
Ann Coulter (just to type her name annoys me!) went on a rant of Fox News (where else?) about soccer. Her take on the interest of Americans in the World Cup matches shows 'the moral decay' of American culture.
(Let me give you a minute to take that in...if, indeed, it is take-able in-able....)
OK, so here's her argument (such as it is):
1. America's interest in soccer shows that immigration from south of the border is out of control (because, presumably, white people don't like soccer!--nevermind about Europe....)
2. It is too much of a 'team sport' so there are no superstars and America needs superstars. (Nevermind, again, that there are stars in soccer but it is essentially a team sport...and when did playing as a 'team' become un-American? I thought that was the most American thing of all....)
3. It's boring because the scores are so low and American's like lots of scoring. (Never mind that a 1-0 baseball game is a classic and a 7-3 football game, though unusual, is the most exciting kind of game--since when is defense a bad thing.)
So, Soccer would be ok if the scores were like the NBA and there were super stars and white people played it....
Jesus, how stupid is that?
I didn't grow up playing soccer and neither of my kids played either, but lots of their friends did and now practically every kid in the suburbs plays soccer. And certainly every Hispanic kid does.
Ok, I'm getting irrational about this. Just go on line and find her rant and weep for America....
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
And besides all that
I love her more than life itself...Bern, I mean. What she means to me increases exponentially every day.
I've never told her this--perhaps I should, though it might frighten her--she has become 'my life' in so many ways.
It has not always been this way. But it is now. I am 67 and she is 64 and we're on at least our 5th marriage, and this is the one I value best of all.
Soon I'll stop typing and take Bela out for his last pee of the day and then join her in the bed we've shared for over four decades and realize how blessed I am to have her in my life.
Maybe I'll tell her that and maybe I won't. Timing is everything.
And it is true, true beyond True...Well, either you know or you don't. Either you have a relationship, a love that defines your life or you don't. And there is no value in whatever you have. It's just I have such a relationship. And I count myself blessed beyond belief. I did nothing to deserve this. It isn't because I crossed some t's and dotted some i's, it is just that I am blessed without cause or purpose. In fact, in the real world, I made more mistakes than anyone should ever make. So. that's all it is. A glorious accident, a wondrous happenstance, something the cosmos didn't have in mind but happened anyway.
Like that.
Simply like that.
And I am more blessed, lucky, fortunate, astonishingly privileged than anyone has a right to be.
Lucky, blessed me.
Just like that. And thanks be to all the gods that be for my life turning out 'just like that'.
Really.
Why don't I appreciate that more?
I've never told her this--perhaps I should, though it might frighten her--she has become 'my life' in so many ways.
It has not always been this way. But it is now. I am 67 and she is 64 and we're on at least our 5th marriage, and this is the one I value best of all.
Soon I'll stop typing and take Bela out for his last pee of the day and then join her in the bed we've shared for over four decades and realize how blessed I am to have her in my life.
Maybe I'll tell her that and maybe I won't. Timing is everything.
And it is true, true beyond True...Well, either you know or you don't. Either you have a relationship, a love that defines your life or you don't. And there is no value in whatever you have. It's just I have such a relationship. And I count myself blessed beyond belief. I did nothing to deserve this. It isn't because I crossed some t's and dotted some i's, it is just that I am blessed without cause or purpose. In fact, in the real world, I made more mistakes than anyone should ever make. So. that's all it is. A glorious accident, a wondrous happenstance, something the cosmos didn't have in mind but happened anyway.
Like that.
Simply like that.
And I am more blessed, lucky, fortunate, astonishingly privileged than anyone has a right to be.
Lucky, blessed me.
Just like that. And thanks be to all the gods that be for my life turning out 'just like that'.
Really.
Why don't I appreciate that more?
One last thing I don't appreciate enough
Bern.
My wife of 43 years.
My life in many ways.
Bern does almost everything. I do these things: take the dog for his morning walk (and on Monday for his walk on the Canal--Bern takes him those other six days) his 'little walk' at 5 or so and his last pee after 10 pm, I clean the litter box for Lukie, I take out the trash and recycling on Tues and bring the bins back on Wednesday, I cook dinner 4 out of every 7 days. Besides doing my own laundry, that's all I do.
Bern does everything else. Cleans the house, mows the lawn with her hand mower, pays the bills every Monday (which is why I do the Canal walk that day), does the laundry for everything but my clothes, cooks dinner at least 3 days a week, manages the garden, keeps everything where it should be.
I could help her with all that but, sadly, I'm not capable of doing any of that as well as she does. It's just the truth. So she does all that.
My life wouldn't work without Bern. Not at all.
And I know that.
So, I should appreciate her more. And I vow to do that. I do.
Who in your life don't you appreciate enough? Not like you have to tell them, just appreciate them more, that's all. Ponder that, if you will.....
My wife of 43 years.
My life in many ways.
Bern does almost everything. I do these things: take the dog for his morning walk (and on Monday for his walk on the Canal--Bern takes him those other six days) his 'little walk' at 5 or so and his last pee after 10 pm, I clean the litter box for Lukie, I take out the trash and recycling on Tues and bring the bins back on Wednesday, I cook dinner 4 out of every 7 days. Besides doing my own laundry, that's all I do.
Bern does everything else. Cleans the house, mows the lawn with her hand mower, pays the bills every Monday (which is why I do the Canal walk that day), does the laundry for everything but my clothes, cooks dinner at least 3 days a week, manages the garden, keeps everything where it should be.
I could help her with all that but, sadly, I'm not capable of doing any of that as well as she does. It's just the truth. So she does all that.
My life wouldn't work without Bern. Not at all.
And I know that.
So, I should appreciate her more. And I vow to do that. I do.
Who in your life don't you appreciate enough? Not like you have to tell them, just appreciate them more, that's all. Ponder that, if you will.....
More things I don't appreciate enough
As I grow old ('should I wear my trousers rolled, or eat a peach?') I'm coming to notice things I don't appreciate enough. Here's some more:
*maple syrup--living in the part of the country where it comes from, I haven't been appreciative enough of maple syrup. I made salmon tonight (my friend Bea has a salmon aversion, poor her) that was marinated in 1/4 cup of maple syrup, two teaspoons of soy sauce, a clove of garlic chopped, garlic salt and black pepper and cooked at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. To die for...salmon and maple syrup, how odd is that? And it worked...never mind pancakes and waffles....
*summer corn--had corn tonight too, no way to cook it wrong. Wrapped the ears in paper towels after wetting it and microwaves for 2 minutes. Astonishing! How sweet and good corn is. I would have grilled both the salmon and corn but it's raining hard in Connecticut.
*paper clips--I was working on something this week that involved various writings of more than a page, trying to find the right order. I needed paper clips and didn't have any. Went out yesterday and got 45 big ones, vinyl-coated in multiple bright colors. I feel better already.
*floor pads for my car--I had almost ground through the carpet on the driver's side after grinding through the floor pad. So I took Bern's Discover card and went to a Auto supply place and bought new, thick rubber ones for $31.17. Bern'll get some % of that back one day from Discover and my front seat floors are thickly covered and smell of new rubber.
*creatures--we have three: a bad Puli dog, an annoying Maine Coon Cat and a parakeet that brings constant song into our lives. She's listening to SHU public radio that actually plays classical music most of the day and making wondrous music. I actually love Luke the cat more than Bern does and she's always been the cat person and Bern loves the bad dog Bela more than I do and I've always been the dog person. Jung was right--as we age we move toward our shadows and embrace them.
*children--we have two and I do not appreciate enough how wondrous they are. Josh is a big-time lawyer in Baltimore and Mimi is the Development Officer for Jacob's Pillow in MA and lives half time in Brooklyn with her fiancee, Tim, who we love. Josh and Cathy and our three granddaughter will be coming for the 4th. I DO appreciate our granddaughters constantly and greatly, but I need to appreciate our children more and more. No drug problems, good grades, no major arrests, remarkable adults from wonderful children. I don't give enough thanks for how they turned out so brilliantly, better than I could have expected. God, I love them, and should celebrate that more.
*friends--I take them for granted because I assume I'm likeable and should have friends. But the truth is, they make my life so much richer, purer, more meaningful, magic that I should tell them so and appreciate them more, much more, than I do. I vow to do that, more and more.
Ponder, if you will, what you don't appreciate enough about your life. It truly is life-giving to do that, I promise you. Really.
Really.
*maple syrup--living in the part of the country where it comes from, I haven't been appreciative enough of maple syrup. I made salmon tonight (my friend Bea has a salmon aversion, poor her) that was marinated in 1/4 cup of maple syrup, two teaspoons of soy sauce, a clove of garlic chopped, garlic salt and black pepper and cooked at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. To die for...salmon and maple syrup, how odd is that? And it worked...never mind pancakes and waffles....
*summer corn--had corn tonight too, no way to cook it wrong. Wrapped the ears in paper towels after wetting it and microwaves for 2 minutes. Astonishing! How sweet and good corn is. I would have grilled both the salmon and corn but it's raining hard in Connecticut.
*paper clips--I was working on something this week that involved various writings of more than a page, trying to find the right order. I needed paper clips and didn't have any. Went out yesterday and got 45 big ones, vinyl-coated in multiple bright colors. I feel better already.
*floor pads for my car--I had almost ground through the carpet on the driver's side after grinding through the floor pad. So I took Bern's Discover card and went to a Auto supply place and bought new, thick rubber ones for $31.17. Bern'll get some % of that back one day from Discover and my front seat floors are thickly covered and smell of new rubber.
*creatures--we have three: a bad Puli dog, an annoying Maine Coon Cat and a parakeet that brings constant song into our lives. She's listening to SHU public radio that actually plays classical music most of the day and making wondrous music. I actually love Luke the cat more than Bern does and she's always been the cat person and Bern loves the bad dog Bela more than I do and I've always been the dog person. Jung was right--as we age we move toward our shadows and embrace them.
*children--we have two and I do not appreciate enough how wondrous they are. Josh is a big-time lawyer in Baltimore and Mimi is the Development Officer for Jacob's Pillow in MA and lives half time in Brooklyn with her fiancee, Tim, who we love. Josh and Cathy and our three granddaughter will be coming for the 4th. I DO appreciate our granddaughters constantly and greatly, but I need to appreciate our children more and more. No drug problems, good grades, no major arrests, remarkable adults from wonderful children. I don't give enough thanks for how they turned out so brilliantly, better than I could have expected. God, I love them, and should celebrate that more.
*friends--I take them for granted because I assume I'm likeable and should have friends. But the truth is, they make my life so much richer, purer, more meaningful, magic that I should tell them so and appreciate them more, much more, than I do. I vow to do that, more and more.
Ponder, if you will, what you don't appreciate enough about your life. It truly is life-giving to do that, I promise you. Really.
Really.
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