And besides all that

I love her more than life itself...Bern, I mean. What she means to me increases exponentially every day.

I've never told her this--perhaps I should, though it might frighten her--she has become 'my life' in so many ways.

It has not always been this way. But it is now. I am 67 and she is 64 and we're on at least our 5th marriage, and this is the one I value best of all.

Soon I'll stop typing and take Bela out for his last pee of the day and then join her in the bed we've shared for over four decades and realize how blessed I am to have her in my life.

Maybe I'll tell her that and maybe I won't. Timing is everything.

And it is true, true beyond True...Well, either you know or you don't. Either you have a relationship, a love that defines your life or you don't. And there is no value in whatever you have. It's just I have such a relationship. And I count myself blessed beyond belief. I did nothing to deserve this. It isn't because I crossed some t's and dotted some i's, it is just that I am blessed without cause or purpose. In fact, in the real world, I made more mistakes than anyone should ever make. So. that's all it is. A glorious accident, a wondrous happenstance, something the cosmos didn't have in mind but happened anyway.

Like that.

Simply like that.

 And I am more blessed, lucky, fortunate, astonishingly privileged than anyone has a right to be.

Lucky, blessed me.

Just like that. And thanks be to all the gods that be for my life turning out 'just like that'.

Really.

Why don't I appreciate that more?