Lee Howard was the organist and choir director at St. Paul's in New Haven when I arrived there in 1980 (Lordy, Lordy, how long ago!)
Lee died several months ago and in this day of people being scattered and delayed funerals, he's being memorialized tomorrow. I'll be the celebrant and preacher, at St. Paul's/St. James as it now is, having merged since I was there. I've been back a few times for funerals, but it will feel a little odd, I think, to celebrate there after all these years (31, since I left there in 1985).
Lee was a guy from North Carolina who never lost his accent in 50 years in New England.
Since I don't know zilch about music, I'm not sure how good a musician he was--but he was passionate and unlike most people from the south, fast moving and fast talking--kinetic, you might say.
There have been a host of priests at St. Paul's since I was there, so I'm not sure why the family asked me to do the service. Perhaps it's because we've stayed in touch with Hanna Howard (a German who never lost her accent) who was divorced from Lee before I met them. But unlike a lot of divorces I've known over the years, neither of them 'got the church' in the settlement. Hanna even sang in the choir under Lee's direction. Sort of Amazing to me.
Hanna comes to our house for Thanksgiving Dinner. She is a wonderful musician herself--a pianist who developed macular degeneration a decade ago (she's 90 now) and can no longer read music. But she plays wonderfully and has little concerts for people in her apartment from time to time.
I've done the funerals of colleagues before--six priests so far. And it's a little spooky. Granted Lee was 22 years older than me, but the space is narrowing....
We'll see him off tomorrow.
Friday, September 2, 2016
Thursday, September 1, 2016
OK, here's where I am today about 'belief'
I chose to say "where I am today" since I'm always in flux. Nothing much seems certain to me any more about 'believing'.
Maybe it was different before--earlier, when I was younger. Maybe I had some 'certainty' back then, but I don't think so.
I think I've always been vague about 'belief'. But this I know and know fare well, the older I get the vaguer I get about what is certain and 'true'.
I don't 'believe' much at all--and here I am, a 69 year old white man who is an Episcopal priest.
People generally expect me to 'believe' stuff and be 'certain' about things.
In my experience, they are relieved when I don't and am not.
It validates where they are, day to day that their priest isn't 'certain' about what he 'believes'.
BLACK and WHITE stuff is pretty much lost on me. The world I live in and experience and ponder about has almost infinite shades of gray.
Theology, back in the Middle Ages, was considered "the Queen of the Sciences". You can look it up or Google it if you wish. Theology was up there with mathematics in those years because Theology was about 'certainty'--the literal interpretation of Scripture, the "Truth" of 'belief'.
What a joke.
Theology, to me, is interesting because there IS NO CERTAINTY. Theology, to me, is engaging and worthy of pondering precisely because it is so 'mysterious'.
Mathematics deals with Truth. Theology deals with uncertainty and confusion and wonder and mystery.
That's what I like--uncertainty, confusion, wonder and mystery.
I don't have to give a fig about TRUTH. I accept the facts of life. Facts are what they are and are helpful in negotiating the intricacies of life.
Theology is about what's left after we know the facts.
Theology is about what is unknown, beyond 'knowing', mysterious, dangerous, lost in shadows, daring us to follow.
"Belief" is about all that--not "TRUTH" or "certainty" or anything hard and real.
So, I wander out in the arena of uncertainty and mystery and wonder. That's where 'belief' and 'faith'
live for me.
So, when you ask me: "what do you believe?" don't expect Truth or Certainty or Facts. What I believe is swirling in the unknown, the dangerous, the mysterious, the never-to-be-understood.
Which is where I feel most comfortable, most free, most 'at home' and grounded. Really.
Maybe it was different before--earlier, when I was younger. Maybe I had some 'certainty' back then, but I don't think so.
I think I've always been vague about 'belief'. But this I know and know fare well, the older I get the vaguer I get about what is certain and 'true'.
I don't 'believe' much at all--and here I am, a 69 year old white man who is an Episcopal priest.
People generally expect me to 'believe' stuff and be 'certain' about things.
In my experience, they are relieved when I don't and am not.
It validates where they are, day to day that their priest isn't 'certain' about what he 'believes'.
BLACK and WHITE stuff is pretty much lost on me. The world I live in and experience and ponder about has almost infinite shades of gray.
Theology, back in the Middle Ages, was considered "the Queen of the Sciences". You can look it up or Google it if you wish. Theology was up there with mathematics in those years because Theology was about 'certainty'--the literal interpretation of Scripture, the "Truth" of 'belief'.
What a joke.
Theology, to me, is interesting because there IS NO CERTAINTY. Theology, to me, is engaging and worthy of pondering precisely because it is so 'mysterious'.
Mathematics deals with Truth. Theology deals with uncertainty and confusion and wonder and mystery.
That's what I like--uncertainty, confusion, wonder and mystery.
I don't have to give a fig about TRUTH. I accept the facts of life. Facts are what they are and are helpful in negotiating the intricacies of life.
Theology is about what's left after we know the facts.
Theology is about what is unknown, beyond 'knowing', mysterious, dangerous, lost in shadows, daring us to follow.
"Belief" is about all that--not "TRUTH" or "certainty" or anything hard and real.
So, I wander out in the arena of uncertainty and mystery and wonder. That's where 'belief' and 'faith'
live for me.
So, when you ask me: "what do you believe?" don't expect Truth or Certainty or Facts. What I believe is swirling in the unknown, the dangerous, the mysterious, the never-to-be-understood.
Which is where I feel most comfortable, most free, most 'at home' and grounded. Really.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
1970 in review (one event a month)
JANUARY--Mick Jaggar fined 200 pounds for possession of weed.
FEBRUARY--Chicago 7 not guilty of inciting a riot at 1968 Democratic Convention.
MARCH--1st Earth Day proclaimed by Mayor Alioto of San Francisco
APRIL--US invades Cambodia; huge protests at home.
MAY--Kent State Shootings.
JUNE--"Long and Winding Road" is Beatles 20th and last #1 hit single.
JULY--Chet Huntly (NBC anchor) retires from full time broadcasting.
AUGUST--Women's Strike for Equality on Fifth Avenue in New York City.
SEPTEMBER--Bernadine Pisano and Jim Bradley are married at our Lady of Victory RC church in Gary, West Virginia.
OCTOBER--Garry Trudeau's Donnesbury debuts in 2 dozen newspapers.
NOVEMBER--Hafa al-Assad comes to power in Syria through a military coup.
DECEMBER--The north tower of the World Trade Center is completed--at 1368 feet, it is the tallest building in the world.
(Thanks to Wikipedia for everything besides September. It was a year 'that was' in many ways.)
FEBRUARY--Chicago 7 not guilty of inciting a riot at 1968 Democratic Convention.
MARCH--1st Earth Day proclaimed by Mayor Alioto of San Francisco
APRIL--US invades Cambodia; huge protests at home.
MAY--Kent State Shootings.
JUNE--"Long and Winding Road" is Beatles 20th and last #1 hit single.
JULY--Chet Huntly (NBC anchor) retires from full time broadcasting.
AUGUST--Women's Strike for Equality on Fifth Avenue in New York City.
SEPTEMBER--Bernadine Pisano and Jim Bradley are married at our Lady of Victory RC church in Gary, West Virginia.
OCTOBER--Garry Trudeau's Donnesbury debuts in 2 dozen newspapers.
NOVEMBER--Hafa al-Assad comes to power in Syria through a military coup.
DECEMBER--The north tower of the World Trade Center is completed--at 1368 feet, it is the tallest building in the world.
(Thanks to Wikipedia for everything besides September. It was a year 'that was' in many ways.)
Monday, August 29, 2016
Gene Wilder, please rest in peace
He was never 'in your face' as either an actor or a comedian--not like Tom Cruise or Jim Carey. He was just around the edges of your life, in quirky little ways, not causing tsunamis--more like a gentle spring rain or the first snow of winter.
Gene Wilder had a gentle way of getting under your skin.
He was one of my favorite actor/comedians. He always said, "I'm an 'actor' not a 'clown'" and that was so true. He didn't 'tell jokes', he just 'acted' in wonderfully funny ways.
I heard an interview with his nephew--he had no children, much the loss of DNA--who revealed that he had been diagnosed with the Alzheimer's that killed him eventually three years ago, when he was 80. Gene, and his family, decided, before his disease had progressed very far, not to let anyone know.
The reason was this: when Gene Wilder went out in public, even a little 'off', children saw Willy Wonka and smiled at him. He didn't want the parents to tell them he was ill or damaged and take away their joy at seeing him.
Even that is gentle and sweet.
He's one of the few celebrities I wish I had known.
Go gently (as you always went) into that Good Night, my friend.
Be well and stay well in whatever it is that comes next after giving so much joy to so many.
Gene Wilder had a gentle way of getting under your skin.
He was one of my favorite actor/comedians. He always said, "I'm an 'actor' not a 'clown'" and that was so true. He didn't 'tell jokes', he just 'acted' in wonderfully funny ways.
I heard an interview with his nephew--he had no children, much the loss of DNA--who revealed that he had been diagnosed with the Alzheimer's that killed him eventually three years ago, when he was 80. Gene, and his family, decided, before his disease had progressed very far, not to let anyone know.
The reason was this: when Gene Wilder went out in public, even a little 'off', children saw Willy Wonka and smiled at him. He didn't want the parents to tell them he was ill or damaged and take away their joy at seeing him.
Even that is gentle and sweet.
He's one of the few celebrities I wish I had known.
Go gently (as you always went) into that Good Night, my friend.
Be well and stay well in whatever it is that comes next after giving so much joy to so many.
Ready to have it over....
My favorite two months of the year are September and October. I adore autumn--the cooling breezes, our September trip to Oak Island, North Carolina, the riot of leaf color, the mid-day warmth and evening chill. It's everything I love.
So, it is not without great regret that I would wish away those two months this year just to get the election over!
My candidate is not the one I would wish for, but I don't have to hold my nose to vote for her. Hillary has more experience, perhaps, than anyone to ever run for President. And the 'Hillary Hatred' is simply silly and a waste of time.
The other guy is a nightmare. And may just divide the country in a deeper way than the Obama years has divided it. Ugly stuff is around the edges of Donald's campaign--white nationalism, the Alt-Right, fear of the 'other', no matter how they aren't white or Christian....Ugly stuff.
I just want it over and even at my advanced age, I'd give up my two favorite months if (as the pollsters always say) 'the election were today'.....
God save us from the next 70 some days!!!!
So, it is not without great regret that I would wish away those two months this year just to get the election over!
My candidate is not the one I would wish for, but I don't have to hold my nose to vote for her. Hillary has more experience, perhaps, than anyone to ever run for President. And the 'Hillary Hatred' is simply silly and a waste of time.
The other guy is a nightmare. And may just divide the country in a deeper way than the Obama years has divided it. Ugly stuff is around the edges of Donald's campaign--white nationalism, the Alt-Right, fear of the 'other', no matter how they aren't white or Christian....Ugly stuff.
I just want it over and even at my advanced age, I'd give up my two favorite months if (as the pollsters always say) 'the election were today'.....
God save us from the next 70 some days!!!!
Sunday, August 28, 2016
weird dreams
I was in Jungian analysis for 8 years or so. My analyst always wanted a dream. If I didn't have a dream I remembered that week, he had a sand box with a whole wall of shelving of figures and creatures and little models. I'd play in the sandbox for 15 minutes or so, then Victor would take a Polaroid photo of it and we'd talk about what I'd created in the sandbox.
Jung was only interested in the un-conscious--dreams and play.
So, I pay attention to dreams, even all these years later.
Jung thought you only dreamed in order to help yourself deal with some issues not in your consciousness. Stuff below the surface wanting to be made right out in the 'real world'.
I had some weird dreams last night. They had to do with 'losing things' and 'not being able to move'. I lost our dog Bela and couldn't find Bern to tell her. And then when I was trying to find her, walking up some steps of a University or something, it was like walking through amber, unable to really move.
I've had 'losing things' and 'not being able to move' dreams before. They are always important and vital and full of revelation--it's just not obvious what all that is because it is a call, an invitation from the unconscious life I live without knowing I'm living it!
So, I've got some stuff to ponder (the dreams were much longer and vivid than I described!) And I know it will be like wrestling with your Angel, like struggling with the unknown, daunting and so, so important.
I'll let you know what comes out of being Jungian about these weird dreams....
Jung was only interested in the un-conscious--dreams and play.
So, I pay attention to dreams, even all these years later.
Jung thought you only dreamed in order to help yourself deal with some issues not in your consciousness. Stuff below the surface wanting to be made right out in the 'real world'.
I had some weird dreams last night. They had to do with 'losing things' and 'not being able to move'. I lost our dog Bela and couldn't find Bern to tell her. And then when I was trying to find her, walking up some steps of a University or something, it was like walking through amber, unable to really move.
I've had 'losing things' and 'not being able to move' dreams before. They are always important and vital and full of revelation--it's just not obvious what all that is because it is a call, an invitation from the unconscious life I live without knowing I'm living it!
So, I've got some stuff to ponder (the dreams were much longer and vivid than I described!) And I know it will be like wrestling with your Angel, like struggling with the unknown, daunting and so, so important.
I'll let you know what comes out of being Jungian about these weird dreams....
Friday, August 26, 2016
I'll never drive to NYC again
We went down to be with Mimi and Ellie on Thursday. It was Tim's first day of work after 3 weeks of paternity leave. He called and texted about ever hour, asking for a new photo.
Tim is seriously smitten with his baby girl, it's safe to say!
She is so sweet and good. Mimi nurses her on demand as the doctors want. And she holds her and nuzzles her, but mostly Ellie sits in her seat and either dozes or looks around. She didn't cry the entire time we were there! Amazing. Both our children cried 13 hours a day for months!
She was especially interested in her grandmother, watching her intently and making faces at her.
Mimi had on a pair of pre-pregnancy skinny jeans on Ellie's 3 week birthday--it's no understatement that mother and daughter are doing well....
It took 4 1/2 hours to get home (90 miles) and I was late for a wedding rehearsal. Going down took a little over 2 hours and 20 minutes finding a parking place in Brooklyn. I finally parked in a building 3 blocks from their apartment. Only costed me $38 for 3 hours. That would buy a train ticket.
Which is what we'll do next time and every time after that. What a nightmare the drive back was. There was a sign on the Merrit Parkway that said "Route 8--12 miles 49 minutes", which was true. The GPS told us I-95 was even worse.
Ah, living in the Northeast, what a joy....
Tim is seriously smitten with his baby girl, it's safe to say!
She is so sweet and good. Mimi nurses her on demand as the doctors want. And she holds her and nuzzles her, but mostly Ellie sits in her seat and either dozes or looks around. She didn't cry the entire time we were there! Amazing. Both our children cried 13 hours a day for months!
She was especially interested in her grandmother, watching her intently and making faces at her.
Mimi had on a pair of pre-pregnancy skinny jeans on Ellie's 3 week birthday--it's no understatement that mother and daughter are doing well....
It took 4 1/2 hours to get home (90 miles) and I was late for a wedding rehearsal. Going down took a little over 2 hours and 20 minutes finding a parking place in Brooklyn. I finally parked in a building 3 blocks from their apartment. Only costed me $38 for 3 hours. That would buy a train ticket.
Which is what we'll do next time and every time after that. What a nightmare the drive back was. There was a sign on the Merrit Parkway that said "Route 8--12 miles 49 minutes", which was true. The GPS told us I-95 was even worse.
Ah, living in the Northeast, what a joy....
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