I sometimes ask myself--being naturally introspective and wont to ask myself stuff--why I write this blog.
Some reasons that just aren't relevant.
I don't write it to 'change the world'. Over 650 posts have produced only 27,000+ page views. About 4 views per post, though some people might look at more than one post in a view. But nothing transforming about that number of folks reading what I write.
I don't write it to give pleasure to many. The statistics above prove that isn't true.
I don't write it to make money--every time I sign on to write I get presented with a scheme to get sponsors and ads--but I can't imagine who would want to sponsor Under the Castor Oil Tree...aging white men who like to ponder stuff? Well, that and about $3 will get you a reasonable cup of coffee at Starbucks.
I write it wishing I could change the world or give pleasure to many or even make a dime or two.
But I write it because I need to write it. I would most likely write it if only a couple of people read it. Or, no one at all read it.
It is therapy for me--and cheap therapy at that--because I have things I ponder and need to write them down.
You see, in the Meyers-Briggs scale of personalities, I am an Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive personality. An ENFP in the way that scale puts it. The truth is, I don't know what I "think", being a Feeling type, until I either say it out loud or write it down. Extroverts like me, live in the world outside them, so I don't figure out what I think 'inside myself' but when I express it to the world.
And since I'm Intuitive by nature, I don't have a organized, rational way to think about my thoughts and ponderings--they just jump out full-blown and the only way I can ponder them is in print or in conversation.
Finally, I am off the scale Perceptive (as opposed to Judging) so I have no idea how to evaluate what I say or write until I say or write it.
I am, in the Meyers-Briggs (or is it 'Briggs-Meyers'? I'm never sure) past extreme in the Intuitive, Feeling and Perceptive scales. I'm hardly Sensate, Thinking and Judging at all. I am close to the middle in Extrovert/Introvert--which means I love to be alone only a little less than I love to be with people and....it gives me the possibility of 'pondering' from time to time.
So, that's why I write this--for my own therapy and my own understanding of myself and my own way of pondering what's up inside me and around me.
So, thanks for reading if and when you do. It humbles me to think someone is listening in on my thoughts and writing. And, I would do it anyway, even if you weren't reading.
So (for the third time) if you enjoy being inside my head and heart at all, tell friends. I would write this even if you didn't, but, in my way of thinking....the more the merrier....
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- Bill Penny
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