Free and ABSOULTELY TRUE advice

I am going to give you some 'free advice', which I often do.

My free advice is almost always based on my left wing politics and theology.

It is always 'free' (have I ever asked you to pay for it? really?) but, even I must admit that my advice, though free, is not 'absolutely true' advice.

My advice is always filtered through my odd and very liberal lens. Did I say 'left-wing' above referring to my politics and theology? Correct that. (See how free stuff should be carefully scrutinized?) My politics and theology is VERY left-wing!

For example, this piece of advice: vote for Bernie Sanders in the Primary and then, in November, vote for Hillary for President. Every vote for Bernie (who can't be the nominee unless Hillary is in prison for her e-mails) drives Hillary further to the Left. See the method in my madness and the self-servingness in my advice?

But this advice is both "free" and "absolutely true". Believe you me....

If you are ever eating HAPPY YUMMIES 'Gourmet Cajun Mix'--peanuts, pretzels and sesame sticks in a Cajun style--(and you should, by the way--delicious and very spicy) don't ever wipe your eye with the hand you've been using to eat the Cajun Mix.

I did yesterday and it was a nightmare.

Water splashed in my left eye for five minutes and two different eye drops finally cleared it away enough to see again.

It was, for the first few minutes, equivalent to putting a white charcoal briquette in your eye.

So, don't do it.

Free and absolutely true.

Nothing much better than that.

(And the thing about voting Bernie for his proposals and Hillary because she can win by moving left toward Bernie--all that is 'free' as well. If you're a socialist at heart and a liberal in mind.)