What I don't notice until it's not there....

I have tinnitus--ringing in the ears. I've had it for years now. It's not a problem because it sounds like crickets...a pleasant sound to hear, very soothing and calming.

I only notice it (having grown used to background noise of crickets on a soft, summer afternoon) until it isn't there.

I don't know why my head is silent from time to time--atmospheric pressure, lack of congestion, time  of day--I just don't know. But from time to time the crickets fall silent and I notice they aren't there.

I don't notice their singing. It's simply the soundtrack of the movie of my life. But when they fall silent, as they have right now, the silence gets my attention.

Something to ponder: what in your life do you notice only in its absence?

Love, perhaps, or affection or compassion? I'm not sure. I have to ponder that as well.

And I've typed long enough that the crickets are back. In a few moments, I won't notice that they're back. It's only when they're not there that I notice their absence.

Strange, I'd say. Some people I'd imagine are so angry or depressed or self loathing that they only notice when those feelings aren't present.

But I can't be sure since I don't have those feelings, or hardly ever. I only notice anger and depression and self-loathing when they show up, from time to time.

The crickets, though, I've come to a peace with them, except when, from time to time, they aren't singing. Then I notice....