Help with New Year's Resolutions

It's about that time again...resolving promises for the next year, which, normally are in the tank within two weeks or so.

So, since I've kept every New Year's Resolution I've made sine 1999, I thought I'd share my resolutions for 2015 so you might, you know, see the successful pattern of my promises to myself.

RESOLUTIONS FOR 2015

*I will not, under any circumstance, drink Yak milk in 2015.

*I resolve not to travel to Tibet, Bali or Madagascar during the coming year.

*Once again, I will not climb Mount Everest in 2015.

*I resolve not to give money to either Ted Cruz or Rand Paul.

*I will never, in 2015 or ever, buy ivory.

*I resolve not to watch any TV show that begins with the words "The real housewives...."

*I vow not to stand in front of Cheshire Town Hall with the Tea Party people holding a sign that says "OBAMA IS A SOCIALIST" or a flag with a coiled snake on it that says "DON'T TREAD ON ME"

*I resolve not to be intimate with either Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Lawrence in 2015.

*I will not smoke crack cocaine next year.

*I will not put a nude selfie of myself on the internet this year. That I resolve.

*I promise, in the coming year, to take all the IRS deductions I have coming.

*I resolve that I will not shop-lift in the coming year.

*I will not convert to the Mormon faith in 2015.

*I resolve not to wear a clerical collar next year.

*I vow not to win the Nobel Prize in anything.

What's so hard about keeping New Year's Resolutions anyway?