I couldn't find the 'blue scissors' so I have to wash my alb...

We have these 'blue scissors', (which I misspelled when I first wrote it--just as I left out the second s in 'misspelled' when I first wrote it) that are small but very sharp. Bern uses them to cut my hair and I use them them trim my beard.

But I couldn't find them and my moustache (which I misspelled the first time I wrote it--thank God for spell check...and before you think it, let me write it, I can't spell for shit. It's the bane of my existence a Phi Beta Kappa, magna cum laude, second in my class in seminary, who can't spell for shit. Surprised I can spell 'shit'.....)

I can spell 'alb'. It's the robe an Episcopal priest wears for celebrating the Eucharist, in case you don't know.

So, I have to wash my alb because I couldn't find the 'blue scissors' to cut my moustache and the wine from communion got in my moustache (which spell check keeps underlining in red though it is the way it is spelled in the same way as in the first line of the second paragraph...maybe spell check is having a bad day...) and dripped on the front of my alb.

Wine comes out and how do I know--I've spilled it on myself dozens and dozens of time. Besides not being a good speller, the other bane of my existence is how clumsy I am...really, really clumsy, I tell you.

Ask anyone who knows me well: 'tell me two things negative about Jim.'

And they'll tell you, without a pause to think: "he's a clumsy s.o.b. and can't spell for shit."

That's me.

I'll wash the alb tomorrow.