Why is this embarrassing?

I took a long poll on my cell phone today. Bern won't take polls, but I like them. This one was very long and though I can't remember what group was doing it, it seemed to be about how satisfied you were with life.

Yolanda, who was my pollster, answered all my questions about why and where and who. It was a poll of CT folks about how they liked their life.

Questions about  where you lived--I love Cheshire and wouldn't want to live anywhere else, so I was extra positive.

Questions about your neighborhood--nothing wrong at all about my neighborhood, so I was extra positive.

Questions about income and if I was comfortable financially--I've never been more so and so I was extra positive.

Then questions about how I felt, how happy and fulfilled I was: at some point I apologized to Yolanda because I was so happy, fulfilled, un-anxious, content.

Since when should you apologize about being happy, fulfilled, un-anxious, content?

What's that about?

When I ponder it I notice that I am about as joyful and content as anyone on the planet can be--and as financially comfortable and live in a beyond great town and neighborhood.

So, I must feel guilty about all that when most of the people in the world don't have that.

I didn't 'earn' it, by any means. It is a combination of work and luck, dumb luck. And I'm embarrassed, I realize, for being happy, joyful, safe, taken care of, fulfilled.

How odd that that is embarrassing. I am living the life most people on the planet want to live and am embarrassed for living it.

Go figure.

Go ponder.

I truly wish everyone on the planet had what I have. I truly wish that and would like to work for that being possible. But I have what everyone wants and I'm embarrassed to have it.

Astounding. Humbling. Full of Pondering.....