Tuesday, March 27, 2018

11 days into our new life

It's been 11 days since our Puli, Bela, was euthanized. I'm not used to him being gone by a long shot--but I can think out him without tearing up.

Mostly my thoughts are nostalgic for the life he had with Bern and me.

Taking him out for three walks a day and a night pit stop in the back yard. Making his food and feeding him twice a day--we literally 'made' half his food with vegetables and different meats and rice to mix with top of the line dry food. Putting up with his barking and limiting who could visit us because he could be aggressive toward strangers. Keeping all his water bowls fresh. Giving treats for good (and, let's face it, 'not so good') behavior. Having to find a way to be home for any and all of the above.

In other words, all the things that used to mildly annoy me about having him are now nostalgic.

At three p.m. every day, I say to myself: "time to feed the Puli...."

I even miss the helping him up and down steps of the last two months of his life.

I miss him so.

Difference is that now I can 'miss him' with a lump in my throat rather than tears in my eyes.

Progress, I guess you could call it.

I'm more able to be thankful for our years with him than distraught by his not being here anymore...

It's better than it was. But I won't forget him, I promise you that.

Our Good Friday came a week early.

I'm ready for an Easter event....

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some ponderings by an aging white man who is an Episcopal priest in Connecticut. Now retired but still working and still wondering what it all means...all of it.