Monday, February 13, 2017

feeling like an idiot

So, today I'm feeling like an idiot because of my right knee and my computer.

(There are other reasons on other days that I feel like an idiot. {Is it politically incorrect to use the term 'idiot' when referring to yourself? Should I say 'somehow mentally challenged' instead?} But today it is my right knee and my computer engendering the feeling of somehow mentally challenged-idiocy.)

My knee, you know if you read my whining posts at all, was operated on by Dr. Shai, an orthopedist I would recommend highly, on September 28. He reattached by totally ruptured quad muscle (your big thigh muscle) to my knee in ways I neither understand or want to! Here we are, going on five months later and I still feel like I have a big (I mean 'big'--two inches wide) rubber band around the top of my knee. He's told me I would probably have to do something really, really stupid to re-tear the muscle at this stage in the recovery. He also told me it would be 'at least' six or seven months before I felt normal in my knee.

But the thing is, with snow and ice on the ground, I feel like an idiot walking. I'm walking like a coward (or an 'old man') when I'm outside and it makes me feel idiotic.

Also, today my computer is doing weird stuff. Has been for a couple of days but today made me feel somehow mentally challenged.

My screen has frozen a couple of times and I've either had to shut down and reboot or turn off the electricity to the whole thing and turn it on again.

I know nothing about a computer except how to click and type. I'm a typist, not a computer user!

My little icon from Microsoft told me to download some updates and I did, hoping that would solve it all and make me feel like the magna cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa, second in my class in seminary person that I know, deep down I am.

But that doesn't happen in the moment.

Walking on snow and ice reduces me to a coward. Working on my computer makes me feel profoundly stupid.

I don't like either feeling and need to deal with them instead of 'waiting for Spring' to go out walking and 'buying a new computer' for the other part.

I need to be bigger, stronger, smarter than my gait and my computer.

I'll ponder that and come up with a plan.

(I'll probably not mention it again, so don't wait for the finale....)

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some ponderings by an aging white man who is an Episcopal priest in Connecticut. Now retired but still working and still wondering what it all means...all of it.