I learned my lesson well

I haven't been to Costco for so long I had forgotten why I hadn't been.

But we need a new air conditioner soon for my office, which, with the help of a fan, cools the whole downstairs and I had a $230 Costco cash reward because I charge every thing I buy on a Costco Visa card. So off we went.

The Costco in Waterbury usually has two winding roads up a hill to the sprawling parking lot. One was closed to traffic. I felt resentment since the one that was closed is the one I always used.

The parking lot was a nightmare. Don't any of these people have something they should be doing on a Monday late morning?

We parked about a quarter of a mile from the store and trooped over. As soon as I showed my credit card and went in, I remembered why I haven't been in so long.

The huge, huge building and the absolute glut of 'stuff' made me instantly claustrophobic. I know that's supposed to be for small spaces, but it's my fear of large spaces. I just remembered, what I have is agoraphobia--'fear of wide spaces'.

I grew up in the mountains where there were few places wide enough for a football field. The first time I drove through the mid-west I thought I was going to cry I was so scared of the endless vistas. I've always lived in cities or hilly places so it doesn't often strike--but Costco brings it on.

I could hardly breathe for the crowds and the open space-enormous. It bothers Bern too, so we found and air conditioner as fast as we could. But she wanted to see if they had the expensive dry dog food we feed Brigit. She knew I was freaking out, so she left me in an aisle and went looking. She was gone maybe five minutes but it felt like 15. I couldn't think straight but knew I had to go to the bathroom.

Costco literally scares the s*** out of me!

On the way home she told me while I was in the bathroom, she almost freaked out. Seemed to her like half-an-hour when it was less than 10 minutes.

I could breathe again when we were out of the parking lot.

Part of it is the crowds and enormous building--but another part is that it is all a cathedral to consumerism.

Hard for me to bear.